I’m here for my last A/C treatment – the last of the worst chemo. I smiled as the nurse put the needle in my arm and took a bunch of blood. And again while she flushed it with saline to ready it for the IV. And I kept smiling and chatting as she realized she needed to take more blood because I am participating in a study and had to do it all over again. And then as it took forever to make my next few appointments for the next 12 weeks of chemo, which I do not want. It was supposed to be over today. And then my hair would start growing back. But it’s not. Yes, we’ll be done with the worst, but in three weeks we’re starting 12 more weeks. Ugh. I want to scream. I don’t want to smile and be nice. I want to forget this whole damn thing! I don’t want them to pump the poison into me today. I am so damn sick of being sick! And bald! Deep breaths before I flip on someone…. nurse will be here in a second to start. And I will smile and be nice. And soon all my friends will be here for my chemo party and then maybe my fake smile will be real…
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Oh sweetie – I feel so sad for you! No kind words make times like this better…but I know you and you are smiling already.
Thank you, Judy! And yes, I am getting my smile back…
You too? I was pretty good at the fake smile. Good luck with the next cycle of treatment.
Btw.. you may get your hair back sooner than you think. Mine started coming in between rounds 3 and 4 of the AC and continued to grow all through the Taxol. I finished chemo on 6/5 and have a full head of hair about 2″ in length.
That’s really good to know! I had my son shave mine again the other day as I couldn’t stand the clumps it was starting to grow in, but then my oncologist explained how hair grows in cycles so maybe I’ll stop shaving it… Thank you!!