This week I pretended I don’t have cancer. It was much like the first six months of being 16 and pregnant when I simply pretended I wasn’t pregnant (yes, really, six months for those of you who don’t know the story). You’d think I’d learn that ignoring something doesn’t make it go away. (And in that case I thank God every day he didn’t go away!) Well, this time it was just a week and there’s nothing I can do about it anyway, so why not ignore it?
It was an easy week to do it. It was my first week since finding the lump that I didn’t have even one doctor’s appointment! Work was crazy busy as usual so I was able to stay busy with that. And, even more distracting, a couple of my loved ones had serious issues of their own that I was distracted by and wanted to help in any way I could. I so prefer to focus on others than on me.
I am a fixer. I try everything I can to help solve everyone’s problems and just want to help make everyone happy. But I know I can only do so much. There are some things I can’t fix – both for others and myself. And some people don’t need my help or want me to fix things for them. Sometimes you just need to give them space to do their own thing and be confident they know you’re there if they need or want you. And there are some things only prayers, well wishes and positive vibes will help. These are all things I have to remind myself when I see those close to me in pain.
It was back to reality yesterday as I realized what day it was: exactly one month from when I found the first lump. I can’t believe it’s only been a month – it seems like a lifetime. Only two weeks until surgery, and so much to do before then. I expect to hear the results of the genetic test early this week, have an appointment with my GP for a vaccine and some other tests one day, and my pre-op another. Makes it a little harder to pretend it’s not happening…
Amy's America 
Amy, My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish you all the best. Stay strong. We worked together in Corporate Affairs at National Grid. Christine Berardi,
Thank you so much, Christine – I really appreciate it and hope all is well with you!
You are an inspiration to us all Amy. Keep strong. My prayers are with you every day. Take care. Susan x
Thank you, thank you, Susan! I so appreciate all your prayers and those of your church group – I feel it every day! xoxo
Hey, those days that you get to “forget” that anything’s wrong helps keep you sane during these trying times. So while I don’t recommend playing ostrich (which your not), a day or a week of forgetting is just what your mental health needs. Take em when you can get em.
Lots of love and big hugs to you!!!
Vicky
Thanks Vicky! I agree, I definitely felt more sane and normal last week, and also think it made me a little stronger for this week. Or maybe it’s just as time goes on that every day is a tiny bit easier… guess we’ll see in the coming days! xoxo