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Archive for the ‘Dreams’ Category

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Excitement is in the air. Hopefulness. Possibility. Dreams can come true. You feel it all here, throughout Los Angeles, throughout Hollywood. Anyone can be anything, you just have to make it happen. I love it here. I totally didn’t expect to, and am sure it has a ton to do with the fact that two of my best friends from high school, Mike and Jay, live here, but it is so incredibly different from I expected.

Yes, it’s a city, but it’s not a crazy city like New York. Nor is it a walking city like Boston, London or San Fran. But it’s not a boring city like, well, I don’t want to insult anyone, but those cities know who they are. It’s definitely a livable city. And I could see me living here. My biggest fear, though, is that as soon as I moved here, Mike and Jay and their families would move back east, like Dan and Mike, two of our other high school friends, already did. They are all working on building their individual careers enough so it won’t matter what coast they call home. That, ideally, is what I’d love to do, too. Make enough to live comfortably and be able to fly where I want, when I want (if it’s not in driving distance of course – I’ve gotten pretty comfortable in the car, if you haven’t noticed).

I believe much of the reason I feel I could settle here has to do with how I spent the last few days. As you can see from the previous two posts, I did a bit of the tourist stuff (how could I not?), but mainly I hung out with my friends. We went out, ate (including at Joan’s on Third where we had a star sighting: Jeff Goldblum), walked, shopped, got a manicure and pedicure (where else would you find organic nail polish?) and mostly talked. We hashed around some movie ideas (including one based on this blog: stay tuned). I applied for some jobs. I did laundry. And – hold your breath – I baked! I guess being on the road for 50 days brought out a bit of the homemaker in me, so I made my friends my grandmother’s whoopie pies and apple crisp. I have to admit, they both tasted pretty darn good.

Now it’s time to get back on the road. It is so hard to leave, but I know this time it won’t take me 15 years to get back. I promise!

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Colorado was never on my proverbial radar. I never felt drawn to it, never had any real interest in it, never saw it as anything other than a state to drive through. The only reason I actually planned a stop in Denver was because one of my good college friends (Jeff) lives there. And thank goodness he does or I would have missed out!

Rather than simply zooming through the state as soon as I woke up (in Trinidad, CO, in honor of my friend Vanessa who is from the country Trinidad and who now informs me that the city I stayed in is the sex change capitol of the world – interesting), I knew I needed to find something to do on my way to Denver so I didn’t arrive too early. My aunt Judy had mentioned the Garden of the Gods, and Colorado Springs was directly in my path, so that seemed like a good stop. Then I found out you can actually go horseback riding in the Garden of the Gods – yes!

I haven’t been riding in at least 10 years. My best friend from when I was young got me into horseback riding in middle school. Horses were and are Melissa’s absolute passion – I couldn’t be more thrilled that she grew up to live her dream and now is happily married with a beautiful family and her own barn in Connecticut where she boards horses and gives lessons. It’s so awesome to see someone actually follow their dream and make it happen! Anyway, it felt so good to be back on a horse – it’s one of those things you don’t realize how much you miss until you do it again. And yes, it gave me another reason to put my cowboy boots on!

I was lucky that I showed up at the Academy Riding Stables in Colorado Springs on a slow afternoon – I got a private ride with Katie as my guide. Everyone at the stables is great, very friendly and helpful. And Katie is a fabulous guide; we had a great talk as we made our way through the Garden and I learned so much about the 1,400 acre park, the legends of the rock formations and the Ute Indians. Of course, I took pictures along the way – not easy on horseback, but certainly easier than trying to do it while driving!

I was exhilerated from the ride and the beautiful scenery all around me, and excited to see Jeff. From the moment I got there, it was like we were back at Dean and not a moment had gone by. We talked about old times with our friends Alicia and Tom, our lives today and everything inbetween. He has a great family, a wife who I know I’d be friends with if I lived here and funny, friendly sons. They love Colorado for so many reasons from the atmosphere and people to the sports and music scenes (which are both big out here). He’s really making the most of life and is another who likes to make things happen like his latest venture into the ticket agency world with www.skyboxtickets.com – use it if you need to see a show or go to a game!

The day ended with hockey practice (Jeff’s son’s team, which he coaches) at Denver University, followed by steak at John Elway’s restaurant – and my first taste of Buffalo. Jeff insists it’s way healthier than steak. It is good, but can’t say it will replace prime rib as my favorite. I also can’t help but picture all the Buffalo grazing on the prairie throughout the old, wild west…

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Second Thoughts?

Last night I dreamt that I was having second thoughts about my road trip. Does that mean that deep down I actually am having second thoughts? If you ask me when I’m awake, the answer is ‘hell no!’ But you know how when you have a dream it keeps sneaking up in the back of your brain all day? This one is doing that.

I don’t remember much of the dream. After work I went to Leicester Square and watched the girls walk the red carpet (well, grey concrete) at the Sex and the City 2 premiere. When I got home I was exhausted and other than Nick nudging me out of sleep a few times to ask me some questions, I conked right out. I guess when I fell asleep my mind must’ve immediately jumped back in time to when I believed I’d be starring in the movies and on the other side of the ropes at the premieres.

The first thing I ever wanted to be was an actress. I think it started with my grandfather’s touring church productions. And my cousins and I would perform our own plays on our grandparents’ farm – I was always the director and the star. (Except when we did Peter and the Lions – then Pete got to star.) We even made tickets and asked people to pay. Tara and I also did musical performances to records like Barry Manilow’s  Copacabana and interspersed it with commercials (‘Take three.’ ‘Three aspirin?’ ‘No – Anacin Three!’) There were school and community productions like Maria in the Sound of Music in third grade; the Wicked Witch of the West (a role some say I still play), Grease and Tumbleweeds at Bird Middle School; and my dream role as Emily in Our Town. I’ll never forget getting mono as a freshman, and having to stop the touring production of Treasure Island that I was starring in, as well as having to pass on my first high school production because I couldn’t get out of bed for four weeks. I was even too tired to cry. 

I planned to go to NYU, become a famous actress, never get married and, after I won my first Oscar at the age of 40, adopt a four-year-old Vietnamese girl. Getting pregnant at 16 changed those plans a bit … So back to my dream. 

All I can remember is talking to my mom and asking her (as I often do) if I’m doing the right thing by going on this road trip. She (as she often does) answered me with a question: why? I explained that taking all that time off to just drive around the country and not working at all just feels wrong. I’m a follow-the-rules kind of girl. I always went to school unless there was a real snow day – it didn’t matter if all my friends were staying home, even if my mom said it was ok. I don’t call in sick to work unless I’m seriously ill. I always try to do the right thing. And how is puttering around the US when I don’t have a job in any way right? So I told her I was thinking of trying something new: going back to my acting dream. I’d be working, yet having a break at the same time since it would be new and different work. And she, of course, said go for it.

I plan to spend time in LA with Mike and Jen and Jay and Cesha (and new baby Jaxon) anyway. In my dream I thought what if instead of a week, I stay for two months and spent every day trying to get roles as an extra or whatever? That would be working. My friends could point me in the right direction. I know I’m not blonde or thin or tall or gorgeous, but they need all types for movies, right? I called Mike. He is always the one to act like my father (even though I have two of those) and tell me the reality of the situation: ‘It’s not that easy,’ he said. ‘We’ve been out here for more than 10 years and none of us have stars on the walk of fame. It would take a lot more than two months. Never mind all the prep: you need head shots and a CV and …’ he went on and on with all the reasons not to do it. The only thing I remember after that is Mike and I sitting at a table looking at cameras and deciding on a new lens for me. Maybe we decided I should try to be a paparazzi photographer instead, switching to my love of photography? 

So I don’t know exactly what the dream meant, but I do know that I don’t have any regrets. I wouldn’t change a thing about my life or the road I have taken. The question is: which road should I take now?

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