Just writing that title made me smile and also want to cry a little simply because I am so thankful to get to be 42. Actually, I did both last night: Cory rolled over after midnight, said, “Happy birthday!” kissed me and then started to fall asleep. I, however, felt this huge gush of relief to have made it to 42 and, while I tried to hold it in (knowing he’d freak out), the tears started flowing, the convulsing sobs escaped and he bolted up, “Are you ok? What? What’s wrong???”
“I’m just… so happy… and thankful… to get… to turn… 42,” I eventually got out between the sobs He didn’t quite believe me at first. “Really? That’s it???” he asked doubtfully. Really.
Not everyone gets another birthday and, while maybe you don’t have to bawl your eyes out over it, you should be grateful God is letting you have more time on earth with the ones you love. Yes, we may have more wrinkles, more weight, a bit more gray and not be able to do everything that once came easy to us – physically and mentally – but we are here.
I won’t bore you with a list of my blessings – although I will share that I am blessed to be writing this blog from a beach chair in the beautiful Dominican Republic:
While here, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to make 42 one of my best years. Those who know me will agree I am a generally happy person with few regrets (like I wish I fed Nick better when he was little), but I do need to make some changes in my life. So here is what I will attempt (nice caveat, huh?) to do differently in my 42nd year:
- I am going to think about the things I put in my mouth and try to eat slowly. I’m a stress eater. A habit I must break if I want to continue to fit in my clothes. And I must get back to running (though my marathon days are over) and yoga or at least some exercise on a regular basis.
- I am going to continually remind myself what is really important. Not let myself get so incredibly stressed out (that I’m stuffing food in my face – flashback to #1), or feel like I have to be the first one in the office every day and login every single night. They say your best ideas and most brilliant thoughts come in times of absolute calm, and that’s why people should meditate and practice mindfulness. I love the idea but need a loooooooot of practice! And it’s not just that “me” time I have to make more of. I always want to see more of my friends and family – there is never enough of that. And that is what really matters.
- BUT I’m going to try not to feel guilty for not being able to do everything or see everyone. As you may have heard me say, guilt is a wasted emotion. And yes, I need to keep reminding myself of that. We are all better at giving others advice than ourselves.
- This year I hope to realize that I may not be able to change or save the entire world but I can make a difference every day even in the little things I do. (That’s what I dreamt about last night after my crying attack – trying to save the world. I failed. Sorry.) But seriously, did you see that ad during the Super Bowl? We can all turn off the faucet when we brush our teeth – and so much more, without shouldering the entire burden of world peace.
- Be present more. Stop looking at my phone so much. Don’t freak out when I’m disconnected. This vacation in paradise is helping me practice that. And yes, I may be spending more time online than I have in a very long time but it’s all reading my friends’ blogs and posts and news – fun stuff, not work!
- My most concrete resolution for myself this year is to be more responsible with my money. I am very blessed to have a great job that pays me well, and yet I still have a ton of debt and my son pays more attention to my 401k than I do. I am a smart woman and it’s time I stopped acting stupid about money. When I think how much money I throw away on silly things I want to slap myself. I’m not saying I can’t spoil myself or the ones I love – that’s why I work so hard (well, one of the reasons), but I need to know I really want something before buying just because I can. And I could probably make a bigger impact if I was more focused and thoughtful with my charitable giving.
- Along those same lines of thinking about what I am spending my money on, instead of scrolling Amazon for gifts (or myself), I am going to buy things from my incredibly talented friends and other artisans and small business owners like Melissa Houlihan’s designs, Jason Covert’s cool art and Sam’s aprons. And if I ever get another tattoo I’ll go to Larry DiGiusto. (Note: my mom’s my favorite artist and writer, but I still get her stuff for free. 😉 )
- And I will read what some of my eloquent friends are writing like writing like Sue Stevens books, Arlene Lagos’ books and blogs like Champagne Thursday by Jess and Surgical Strikes 2.0 by Dan. I will also continue to watch my friends work like Jay in Fat, Mike in Yellow Brick Road, and the reality TV like Hollywood Medium by Duffy and Pit Bulls and Parolees by Jen. And can’t forget all that Cesha has worked on including the upcoming Ghostbusters and recent Black Mass (ok, I’m sorry, I’m not really going to see that – but would if I thought it would make a difference!) I could go on and on – I have so many talented friends – and I am going to support them more.
- Which reminds me of my own writing and my ninth and final (for now) resolution: I’m only going to say something if I’m going to actually do it. Like writing my book. Which one, you may ask? I did start 16 and Pregnant but haven’t gotten far. The road trip book can wait. I think the breast cancer book is the most important. Approximately one-to-two new people are referred to my blog every month, even though it’s been more than a year since I really stopped updating it. I get the nicest notes about how finding it has helper her/her mother/sister/friend through their battle. Imagine how many people it could help if I put it in book form and published it?
So that’s what I really want to do in my 42nd year: Slow down, breath, learn to relax, think more, do more selectively, get a bit smarter, appreciate and help others. Makes me smile (and not cry) just thinking about it! Thank you, Lord, for this 42nd year!