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Sigh of relief…

Posted in Boston, Cancer, chemotherapy, family, prayer, recovery, work, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on September 11, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Just a quick update before I fall asleep (again) to let all know I am doing well! Week two of the Taxol went a million times better than week one. While I’m not 100% sure what caused the improvement, I think the heavy meds probably helped! I took (following doctor’s orders) three decadron and an ativan early this morning before heading to Dana-Farber.

Once at the hospital, it took a while to find a new vein to use – the one in my left hand is pretty well gone – last week’s infusion was incredibly painful from my hand down through my arm, so we decided it’s fried from all the A/C. (I don’t have good veins – they are small and I’ve never even been allowed to donate blood, so they aren’t loving this.) We can’t use any in the right arm, since all my lymph nodes were removed in surgery – can’t even have blood pressure cuffs on that arm ever again. (Note to self: must do better protecting that arm…) So after trying a bunch of things like hanging my arm down and making fists, covering it in warm, wet compresses, etc., we found a vein that would do – and it seemed to work well, with minimal pain.

After the labs (all looked good), it was back to Benedryl. Had 50 milligrams again and was not sick – yay! Then more Decadron and Ativan, Prilosec and finally Taxol. Throughout all I was pretty hazy, trying to be an active participant in mom and Tina’s conversation, but I honestly couldn’t tell you too much of what was talked about. Yes, they laughed at me somewhat swaying down the hallway when we were through, commenting on my high, but were also there to catch me when I stumbled, so I’ll forgive them! 😉 The main thing was I made it through without any of the major reactions/side effects, and then went home and pretty much crashed.

But tonight I had my energy back and mom and I even took a brief walk to the Brookline Booksmith, the bookstore around the corner, and was surprised to see a blast from my teen years: Molly Ringwald! What girl didn’t identify with her in at least one of my teen favorites, like Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles (Aw, Jake!) or The Breakfast Club??? So I had to do it – I bought her book and had her sign it.

Now it’s back to work tomorrow, and to bed now so I can say my prayers and thank God for such a good day. Two down, ten to go!

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Bad Day

Posted in Cancer, chemotherapy, Denial, family, prayer, tagged , , , , , , , on September 4, 2012| 6 Comments »

I have been dreading today for three weeks. I’ve smiled and answered briefly when people asked me what’s next, and when those I’m closest with would bring it up, I cut them off and simply said I don’t want to think or talk about it. While I am overwhelmingly thankful for Dana-Farber and will support them in every way I can for the rest of my life, I would like nothing better than to never again sit in that ninth floor infusion chair.

I have to admit, it was partially my own damn fault that today went sour. Since I showered last night, I simply woke up at 6:30, rolled out of bed, and went on autopilot getting ready as I have for the other infusions. We got to Dana-Farber right on time and while standing in the check-in line I remembered: I was supposed to take three Decadron before I left the house. They took me right away for my bloodwork and I explained that I could make it home and back before meeting with my doctor, but they said it was no problem, that they’d just give it to me via IV before the Taxol (chemo). I was assured that it would be no better or worse. I wasn’t thrilled and was kicking myself as my stomach was already uneasy.

In addition to my queasy stomach, the vein in my wrist was hurting, as did the IV as soon as it was put in my hand. It was checked when we got up to the infusion room; I was told it looked fine, but from now on we’ll use another vein, as it seems the A/C did a number on this one.

Up first: 50 mg of Benadryl. There’s a chance of several not good side effects (I’m sure I am impressing you with my technical talk – sorry, will never be a doctor!) happening during the infusion that they want to prevent, hence both the Decadron and Benadryl. Well, not sure how much of the Benadryl actually penetrated my system, as halfway through the infusion I was sick, going through three blankets and three pails… ugh. Luckily, I didn’t have my normal entourage – mom had just stepped out and it was only Tara and me, and the nurses who rushed over as soon as they heard the retching. I was extremely embarrassed and apologetic, and so thankful when it finally ended. While the large dose of Benadryl was a possible cause, I think I’m just getting like Mirany and my body simply does not want to be there. I really would like to just run away…

The pain in my veins persisted, though, and we kept warm packs on it through most of the infusion, although the heat hurt it, too. As soon as it ended, I went home and crashed. I slept for hours and am feeling better now that I’m awake. There are certain things that I still need to watch for over the next 24 hours, including numbness and loss of feeling in my fingers and toes, so I’ll work from home tomorrow. Hopefully none of the side effects will occur and I can be back to normal on Thursday. Even if I have to be miserable during the infusion, I would rather that and be able to work within a day or two, then to just feel generally crappy for a week! Some of the side effects are cumulative, including fatigue, so we will see how the next 11 weeks go…

There was one highlight to my day – no, it wasn’t the bright pink hand wrap, although that was cool. My friend who I mentioned a couple of posts ago who just had a lumpectomy was at Dana-Farber for her follow-up and visited me during my treatment (luckily after the incident mentioned above). She got the official report of being completely cancer free, and looks wonderful, although she’s still experiencing some post-surgery issues. I am just so thankful it was caught so early, and she has a long life ahead of her: please follow her example and do your checks! Time can be on your side if you check regularly. And no matter how many bad days I have through this fight, I will put up with them and even be thankful for them, as I know I have a long life ahead of me, too!

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Friends are The Good Stuff!

Posted in Cancer, chemotherapy, prayer, recovery, tagged , , , on August 28, 2012| 3 Comments »

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Saturday night, Tina and I went to the Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw concert at Gillette. I’d been looking forward to this since buying the tickets in, I think, February. I remember thanking God when I got my chemo schedule because the concert was almost two weeks after my fourth chemo round and I figured I’d be able to drag myself there even if I still wasn’t feeling well. And luckily I was already back to feeling just fine!

When we got to the stadium, Tina surprised me with a letter. Not just ANY letter, but one that she wrote using Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw song titles. And I’m not just sharing it because it is so cool (although it is), but because I think it gives a glimpse into how this damn cancer thing has impacted some of my dearest friends…

My Old Friend,

Hey Now, as I sit here looking at a Blank Sheet Of Paper, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to talk about Me And You. This concert is seriously happening Not A Moment Too Soon!  Unfortunately, My Little Girls are not nearly as excited about this concert, since they’re not going, but I just can’t wait for you to Come Over!!!

The past few months I feel like I’ve been Living In Fast Forward and have been feeling kinda Angry All The Time.  Last week, I was actually thinking, well, There Goes My Life.  The silver-lining (as usual) is heading Somewhere With You.  I love Summertime and our concerts.  Life seems to, once again, be The Road And The Radio and it appears that every Flip Flop Summer, You Save Me.

I know the past five months Got A Little Crazy (to say the least) and has seriously been a Wild Ride. I feel confidant telling you that I truly feel like I know How Forever Feels, but yet, Time Flies. Your breast cancer diagnosis really did Scare Me and I hope to Never Feel That Way Again.  I am glad that you Give It To Me Strait as I Wouldn’t Want It Any Other Way, but everyone knows that you’re Only Human and that you are clearly doing Whatever It Takes to tell that horrid cancer that you Will Not Fall Down.  I have my Suspicions, although, I can’t imagine how difficult the moments are when you’re alone and you allow yourself to be honest with you.  I know there’s so much you don’t allow others to see.  To be honest, there have been moments where I know I Don’t Blink as I have felt helpless in helping you… but… then you speak, and I am completely reassured that you are Always Gonna Be You, cancer or no cancer, You Just Get Better All The Time!  I can’t wait for the end of this whole run of doctors and treatments to be over for you… and to celebrate your attitude, your being The One to beat cancer (which is No Small Miracle) and to shout out at the top of our lungs Touchdown Jesus!!!!

I’m thankful you have so much support and that you know that you’re not In This Boat Alone.  All I Need To Know is you believe me when I say that I Will Stand by you no matter what and would do anything To Get To You if you needed me, after all, That’s Why I’m Here!  I know all of this will be much Better As A Memory and that there’s more to come Down The Road and I know that you will deal with that with the same Be As You Are outlook but Just Not Today…

…Today, we once again get to Set This Circus Down, be Still, feel a little Freedom from all the I’m Workin’, Shiftwork.  Let the Last Dollar Fly Away and break free from Reality… I Need You to Let It Go… ALL of it, and truly break free from the past few months. So, instead of sitting Where The Green Grass Grows, we Will Stand, Somewhere In The Sun, in front of an Old Blue Chair with an awesome view of your Island Boy (who I’m sure you begged to Please Come To Boston), Kenny, as he sings about Guitars and Tiki Bars with my Indian Outlaw and Real Good Man, Tim, For A Little While. Ohhh, he definitely brings out The Cowboy In Me or Something Like That but that’s just Between The River And Me! 😉

You are one of the world’s most Beautiful People and are certainly the Spirit Of The Storm.  Your French Kissin’ Life and Live A Little, always Smiling, attitude is contagious.   You’re optimism makes me believe that no matter what life throws at us we can ask, Do You Want Fries With That?

This Is Our Moment with the Brothers Of The Sun!  So, tonight I want you to know that When The Sun Goes Down, When The Stars Go Blue and the Magic of the concert begins we will Live Those Songs in Boston while pretending we’re going Coastal, we’ll Feel Like A Rock Star while singing, I Like It, I Love It, in our most Southern Voices and I’m absolutely certain that we’ll Sing ‘Em Good My Friend.  It Doesn’t Get Any Countrier Than This and I am looking forward Just To See You Smile.  This is definitely The Good Stuff and I can honestly say for a moment like this, with My Best Friend, I Never Wanted Nothin’ More!!!!!!!!

So, are we gonna have a good time?  Well, Truck Yeah!!!!

I love you BFF,

Tina

I was laughing so hard at the end of that – a perfect way to start the night, and a letter to treasure forever! And while we DID have a blast, I’m afraid I wasn’t able to completely forget the c-word: I cried through Live Like You Were Dying – it obviously really hit home – and one of my other friends, Laura, who was sitting in another section even texted me during that song, which made me cry even more! I saw Heather and some of her family (which was like my family through middle and high school) for the first time since all this and it was hard to hold back the tears, then, too. Especially when Heather caught one of my lashes that had just fallen out and held it so I could make a wish … (And Heather, Laura and I ran into another friend from high school – Kristin – it was like a reunion!) Even on facebook another friend, Heather P-C, sweetly reminded me to stay hydrated!

I think it goes without saying that I am the luckiest girl in the world, with the best friends (near and far) anyone could wish for…

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