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Posts Tagged ‘hair’

I know I don’t really blog about my cancer experience anymore, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t think about it every day. Once you have had cancer, it will never not be part of your every day life. Today was a prime example.

I am starting a new job soon and decided it is time to bite the bullet and cut my hair. Nothing dramatic, just a trim to get rid of the dead-ends, but even that activates the butterflies in my stomach. You see, it has been nearly three years since my last haircut. And that really wasn’t by choice.

As most of you know because you’ve been following this blog for most of my journey (thank you!), in May 2012, when I heard after surgery that I would need chemo and would lose all my hair, I decided to have a little fun with it. First, I asked my friend Leane to give me a cute cut, just above my shoulders, so I could donate the hair to Locks of Love. That wasn’t too bad – it was really a cute cut and I knew the hair went to something good.

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Then a couple of weeks later, right before I started chemo, I had her chop it really short. That was more difficult to swallow. I never wanted hair that short… But I knew that I couldn’t handle having long strands falling out.

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And then came chemo. The morning I woke up to hair all over my pillow, I knew it was time. I went to a barber and asked him to shave it bald. He cut as close as possible, but then I had Nick shave it for me.

IMG_0860And that was my last hair cut. Through the bald months, I remember gazing longingly at my friend and sister breast cancer survivor Janie’s very long, beautiful hair on Facebook, and asking her how long before my hair would grow back. She reassured me it would be back before I knew it, but I didn’t really believe her – it seemed like forever…

It’s been two years since my hair started growing back. I was so proud of the little tufts – baby bird hair, as my friend Kim and her daughter Maddie called it.

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As my hair has grown back, I have loved every minute of it. I am so thankful to have hair, I will never complain about it: A bad hair day is still better than a no hair day!

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But I can’t let it just keep growing forever – for it to remain healthy, I knew it was time for a cut. I’ve been preparing myself for this, so thought it would be easy. Nope.

After finishing my last pre-marathon long run (yay! 9 days until I am Running for Rare Diseases in the Boston Marathon!), I took a quick shower and ran down the street to Sanela Salon. I sat down in the chair, looked at Jordan, my stylist, and started to explain to her that this was my first haircut in nearly three years and that it was all new hair. And my eyes started to fill. I promised her I wouldn’t cry through the whole cut! She smiled, said it was fine and we quickly agreed that an inch and some long layers were a good start.

IMG_0852As Jordan started to cut, I actually exhaled. I realized that just because someone cuts your hair, it doesn’t mean it’s all going to fall out. I didn’t even know that’s what I was scared of, it is so silly and unrealistic. But that was the chain of events before, so I guess it was just ingrained¬†in the back of my mind.

Now the first cut is done – and no more tears! I am so thankful to have hair and I love every strand! (And yes, Janie, you were right! ūüėČ )

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p.s. I’d love it if you would add a song to my marathon playlist!¬†Just¬†go to my fundraising page, donate $5 per song, and put the song titles and artists in the comments section. I will add them to my marathon playlist and think of you when they come on while I’m running the marathon! Thank you! (Can’t wait to hear your song choices!)

If you’re going to be at the Boston Marathon, please let me know where you will be along the route so I can watch for you! ūüôā

Can’t make it but still want to track me? (I will start about 11:15 a.m. on Marathon Monday, April 20). All you need is my bib number (My bib # is 28153) and you can either text or email:

    • TEXT – Simply text my Bib Number (28153) to 234567 using your cell phone. You will then receive an sms text response confirmation. You will receive up to 6 texts per bib number. Message & data rates may apply. Text STOP to cancel. Text HELP for help.
    • EMAIL – Go to¬†http://www.baa.org/‚Ķ/participant-inf‚Ķ/att-athlete-alert.aspxSign-up using your mobile phone number for SMS text message updates, or by entering an email address for email updates.

Thank you for your support!!!

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I don’t know why, but I’m suddenly feeling shy and hesitant to post certain things. I got the best news in a long time this afternoon and wanted to tell every stranger I walked by that (spoiler alert)¬†I can now get nipples, but as soon as I got home and thought about updating this blog, I got nervous. Then I saw on Facebook “Duke Porn Star on What People Don’t Understand About Sex at Work” and I thought, “Jeesh, if she can talk about that, I can talk about nipples!”

I found the first lump on March 14, 2012 and this Thursday will be exactly two years from the day I received the call informing me that I had cancer. This is, and I think will always be, a tough week for me. But Tara and I often talk about rewriting memories and maybe getting this news puts a new, happier anniversary on my calendar.

Today I went for my follow-up with Dr. H, my super fabulous reconstructive surgeon. As Cory pointed out to me today, I’ve been worrying about this visit for weeks. Even though I’d been told that the right one would heal differently due to the radiation, I wasn’t sure that the way it was healing differently was the right differently. I’ve thought over and over about friends who have had trouble with their implants – one who said it was like a baseball, another who just had it replaced for the third time –¬†for a total of five surgeries in the last 11 months!

So as¬†Dr. H¬†inspected it with his normal dead-pan expression – he must be a great poker player – I mentioned nervously some of the things I’d observed, like some of the scarring being hard in places, and an end that just didn’t seem as healed as the rest, and I asked if it was healing normally or if it was worse. His response? “It’s healing abnormally well!” He explained that it’s actually better than he expected and really as good as we could hope for a radiated breast. Phew!

So then I asked the question I’ve been waiting to ask since the April 30, 2012, when I lost my breasts: “Can I make the appointment to get 3D nipple tattoos?”¬†Dr. H¬†smiled, nodded, and replied, “Yes, you certainly can.” Woo hoo!!! I also found out that I don’t need to go all the way to Maryland for them (although Vinnie appears to be the Michelangelo of areola tattoos and amongst the pioneers of 3D nipple tattoos). Dr. H recommended Juli Moon right down the road in Lynn, assured me he’s never heard anything but good things, and showed me her portfolio.

Needless to say, I called as soon as I got in the door, before I even got my coat off. I didn’t make the appointment yet as I need to check some things with my schedule, but it looks like in early May I will feel just that much¬†more normal again…

And for some of my friends who are just in the beginning stages of this journey – recently diagnosed, just finished surgery, in chemo or radiation – it may feel like forever, but that will be over soon! You’ll be through treatment, your hair will grow back, you’ll regain your strength and so much of your life. It will be your new normal. And it will be wonderful, and you will be stronger for all you’ve been through! And this is all for you! I wouldn’t be on here talking about nipples if I didn’t think it would help answer some of your questions and ease your road ahead! xoxoxo

 

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At least once every couple of weeks, another person tells me a friend or family member was just diagnosed with cancer. And it’s often breast cancer. I honestly had no idea how common it was until I entered the cancer world nearly two years ago. I now know so many (mostly) women who are all¬†at different stages of their cancer journey.¬†I have one message for every single one of you, no matter what stage of treatment you’re at now: you will get through this!

Treatment will end Рand, honestly, that will be one of the hardest parts. But you will move on. You will get your hair back Рon your head, your eyelashes, your eyebrows, all of it. You will get (if applicable and you choose) new boobs. You will stop feeling so tired. You will start remembering things again. Your head will clear. The tingling will go away. Your visits to the hospital Рyour home away from home for so long Рwill grow further and further apart.

People will no longer be able to tell by looking at you that you had cancer. In fact, many¬†will forget you had cancer.¬†You will never be able to¬†forget, but you will stop thinking about cancer constantly. You will go a full hour without thinking about¬†it, then a few hours, and then even a full day! (I haven’t gone longer than that yet, but expect eventually I’ll even go a week or more without thinking about it – at least I hope!) Your life will resume a new type of normal, which, if you want it to, can at least resemble your old normal.

For my friends just starting their journey, considering their options and deciding their route: it may seem like forever, but honestly, one day (maybe about two years from now) you will be looking back, amazed at how much has happened in such a short amount of time – and happily moving on with your life…

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