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Archive for May, 2010

Alone

I have never lived alone. I went from living with my parents, to moving out with my baby boy, to being married with a child, to being a single parent with a teenage son. Now my son is going off to college and I will be alone for the first time in my entire life. The mere thought makes my eyes water. Some would call single parenting ‘doing it alone,’ but Nick was always there. From the moment he kicked me from the womb, he has been a force in my life – and the best company. In some ways I think this road trip may be my way of not being home alone. Trying in some way to avoid the reality that there won’t be anyone who needs me at home on a daily basis. That, in fact, there will be no one at home. This road trip may be my denial. But even if it is, it’s also a fresh start. And I’m excited about where it may lead …

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Where am I?

The strangest things are making me long for the US. Case in point: The Last Song. After I saw the movie (it was ok – book was much better; which is funny because I liked the movie Dear John better than the book, at least the end anyway), I exited the theatre into Leicester Square and made my way home through Trafalgar Square, wandering toward Big Ben and Westminster Abbey. Rather than the thrill I usually feel for getting to live in such an amazing city, I was struck by the thought that something’s terribly wrong – I’m in the wrong country. How did this happen? Where am I? What am I doing? I don’t belong here. I belong in the world I was just living in for the last two hours (107 minutes) where there are open roads, pick-up trucks, good music, plaid shirts and family – my family. For the longest time I thought that England could be home, but I’ve realised, oops, I mean realized I belong in America. Right there, on the dark streets of London, I had a mini-panic attack. Heart racing, short of breath, disoriented … then I saw him: Abraham Lincoln! Don’t worry, I wasn’t seeing things – it was just his statue in Parliament Square – but I immediately felt better. (He always has that affect on me.) I reminded myself that I DID have a reason to be here (work) and there are only about two months left before Nick and I move back to Massachusetts. But what then? Second mini-panic attack? No need, I have a plan: unpack, finish work, get Nick off to college and then: ROAD TRIP! And there will be plenty of open roads, pick-up trucks, good music, plaid shirts and family!

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