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Archive for August 14th, 2012

I don’t want to!!!

I’m here for my last A/C treatment – the last of the worst chemo. I smiled as the nurse put the needle in my arm and took a bunch of blood. And again while she flushed it with saline to ready it for the IV. And I kept smiling and chatting as she realized she needed to take more blood because I am participating in a study and had to do it all over again. And then as it took forever to make my next few appointments for the next 12 weeks of chemo, which I do not want. It was supposed to be over today. And then my hair would start growing back. But it’s not. Yes, we’ll be done with the worst, but in three weeks we’re starting 12 more weeks. Ugh. I want to scream. I don’t want to smile and be nice. I want to forget this whole damn thing! I don’t want them to pump the poison into me today. I am so damn sick of being sick! And bald! Deep breaths before I flip on someone…. nurse will be here in a second to start. And I will smile and be nice. And soon all my friends will be here for my chemo party and then maybe my fake smile will be real…

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