As mom, Tina and I walked out of Dana-Farber today, we were all unusually quiet. “I feel … beat up,” I finally said. We all looked up at each other and got small, weary smiles on our faces; looking at them, I could see they felt just as drained as I did.
I know this hasn’t been easy on any of my family and friends. It’s been a nightmare for us all. And just the thought of it being extended is wearing on us all…
Today was week 11 of Taxol, week 23 of chemo. Next week will be my last chemo session. I should be excited. But I’m not. I can’t be. Not yet. Not until after tomorrow’s discussion with the radiation oncologist. Because we may not be done yet.
Mom and Tina debated this with me at chemo today. “We have to celebrate,” mom said. No, it may not be the end. “But even if you have radiation, you’ll be done with chemo and we should celebrate that,” tried Tina. Tara and Kristen brought up the same thing this weekend. “We need to have a post-chemo party!” But no. If I have radiation Monday through Friday for six weeks, in my mind, there is nothing to celebrate. At least not until that is over.
So we’ll see what tomorrow brings.