It’s 2014. No one should die of cancer. It has to stop.
Almost exactly two years ago, in August 2012, a friend from high school messaged me and asked if she could pass my blog on to her cousin, who was also battling breast cancer. Of course, I told her, that’s why I write this – to try to help others through it. “Thank you, Amy,” my friend replied, “She just read your first blog and is crying her eyes out… she can relate and feels like no one understands.”
It wasn’t long before my friend’s cousin (who was always very private, which is why I am not using her name) and I became friends on Facebook, and then exchanged messages. “I can relate to your blogs so much!!” she wrote. “Thank you for sharing your story. I would love to be able to meet you someday. Good luck with everything! We seem to have similar stories. I am currently getting my second round of chemo (the strong stuff!). I started last March w/chemo for 12 straight weeks, had a radical mastectomy (right breast) in June and now I have 4 of these absolutely sucky chemos. After this is over I need to have radiation. Sometime next year I will have reconstruction. Stay strong & positive like you have been!”
Yes, we had similar stories, even a similar timeline. But, for some reason, I am here and she is not. She passed away yesterday. My heart is broken. It’s just not fair!
We exchanged a few more messages after that first one, sometimes she commented on the blog, or a picture, but we never got to meet in person. I naively thought she was, like me, on the road to recovery. I had no idea she had gotten sick again until 10 days ago when my friend messaged me:
“Amy, I just wanted to thank you for being such an inspiration to me and my family… especially my cousin who has battled cancer. Your blog really helped her on her journey. Unfortunately, her battle is coming to an end but I just felt you should know that many a days you helped her get thru it. My love to you and your family!!”
I was shocked. Horrified. But her story was similar to mine??? How could she be dying??? She’s a mom – what about her kids, and everyone who loves and needs her??? But that’s how this miserable disease is. It doesn’t care if you have kids, are happy, love life. Rich, poor, whatever. And the fact is, you can never be sure you really beat it – it can come back at any time.
So now I’m going to go cry some more. For this life that was taken much too soon, and for all who loved her. And I’m going to be even more thankful now than ever for every minute that I get here on earth. I realize how truly lucky – so blessed – I am to still be here today. We don’t all get happy endings, no matter how much I wish we did…