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There is never enough time to think or plan. There is always so much going on! When does it ever stop??? I guess that’s what I need to learn: to not let it get that way. To make time to think and plan. Otherwise it will never happen. Of course, we all know what happens to the best laid plans – things like my 2012. But  you can’t let that stop you.

There are such things as over thinking and over planning. I’m constantly coaching my girlfriends (and reminding myself) not to over-analyze things their boyfriend/husband/lover/dream boy does – we’re never going to figure them out, anyway. And sometimes when you over think a decision you end up with the wrong one – sometimes you’ve just got to go with your gut. Over planning is something I can definitely fall into. Nick was telling Cory the other night, “Just wait ’til you go on vacation with her! She’ll plan your every second and have you going so fast, you’ll never be able to catch up! You should’ve seen Gramma and me trying to keep up with her in Rome.” And my mom chimed in, “That’s why we just gave up and went to the pub.” I admit, I was bad on that trip – and I vow to never over plan a vacation like that again!

What I have to be careful of now is to not over plan my life. I am so thankful to have my life and energy to really live it (and my eyebrows, eyelashes and hair on my head), that I’ve had a tendency to say “yes” to most everything, and to try to fit everything in. I’m always going, going, going, when one of the things I vowed less than a month ago was to slow down. (I think I need to print my resolutions and keep them with me to make them actually stick…)

I did pass up a few things this week, like I resisted buying concert tickets to see shows I’ve already seen – I don’t need to see every country show that comes to town! What I didn’t pass up were things that really matter to me:

  1. I signed up for the BAA Distance Medley. That is the BAA 5k in April (two days before the marathon), the BAA 10k in June and the (GULP) half-marathon in October. There it is – I said it in my resolutions and now I have a date to work toward. And boy do I have work to do! I haven’t been running much since I hate the cold, and I found out that they have a mandatory finish time of two and a half hours. That means I will have to cut my 13 minute plus mile down to 11:45. We’ll see… luckily I have connections with a certain running team and trainer who I am sure will give me a few tips…
  2. The second thing that I didn’t pass up actually caused me to tear up. I received an e-mail from Olivia Achtmeyer inviting me to be a model at this October’s Runway for Recovery event! I don’t think I’ve been to a more moving fundraiser than Runway for Recovery 2013. Seeing all those women (and some men) with their families, celebrating the survivors and honoring those they’ve lost, in such a supportive, energetic environment – I can’t even do it justice trying to describe it. Go to the site and check out the  video. And mark your calendars for October 16, 2014 to see me walk (dance, strut, I don’t know – just hopefully not fall!) down the runway at the Revere Hotel in Boston, all to raise money for children who’ve lost their mothers to breast cancer. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate my second year of survivorship.
  3. Finally, I am going to book a flight to Florida for a few days to see my Dad, Maggie, Steve, Kelli and my crazy handsome nephews. I miss them and don’t see them enough. And there’s never enough time or a good time – so sometimes you just have to make time!

These are the kinds of events I’d like to fill my calendar with…

 

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I woke up and heard Cory telling his sister on the phone that it was going to be a rainy day. I reached over and grabbed my phone and saw that not only was it not raining yet (only 60% chance at 9 am – yes, I slept until 9), but it was 46 degrees out – woo hoo! Because today is the first day I’m allowed to start running – again.

I’ve had more starts and stops in this short running career since I was inspired by Tara and the Genzyme Running Team to take it up in the late fall of 2011. Ran my first 5k that December (the Jingle Bell Run – so fun!), then found the lump and got the breast cancer diagnosis in March 2012. Surgery quickly followed. No running for a long time. Start back. Chemo. A little running but not much energy to run – then afraid I’d fall with my numb toes and soles of my feet. Lymphedema set in – so glove and sleeve when running from now on until eternity. Then a bit of running, but winter and radiation and the combo was not my favorite – and still little energy and numbness. I ran my first 5k back, the BAA 5k, the day before the Boston Marathon – it was strange that I got to cross the finish line when so many of my friends and family didn’t get to the next day. I worked my way to my first 10k – the BAA 10k, their first event after the marathon. Since then it’s been some running, walking, a stupid fall – and then surgery again. (Oh and winter – which we know I hate to run in the cold.) But now hopefully the last surgery is done and I’m allowed to start running – again.

So back to realizing it was warm (relatively) out. I know me. If I didn’t roll out of bed and get in my running clothes and out the door right then, before the rain, it wasn’t going to happen. And I have new sneakers to break in!

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So I did. And the second after I got outside and snapped that picture of my new sneakers, it started to pour. Of course it did. I thought about going back inside, but thought “Amy, you just posted a picture saying you’re going for a run – you have to run at least a mile.” (Well, run/walk – remember, I do intervals.) Argh. Fine. I turned up my music, turned on Map My Run, tucked my phone in my sleeve and started to run. (Quick side note and shout out to awesome Matt O’Shea for sending me info on how to make Nike+ show my map while running – I remembered the tip halfway through, tried it and it worked! May switch to that app from now on. I like the cheering. 🙂 Thank you! )

Luckily, after about a mile the rain stopped and it just remained… dreary, and at least not cold. And heck, I’d gone a mile – I might as well go another half before turning around, right? Which brought me to Kenmore Square:

20140111-104108.jpgAll the restaurants made me realize I hadn’t eaten anything, so definitely time to turn around. As I was running by a store window I caught a glimpse of myself and realized: it’s the first time I’ve been able to run with a real pony tail!

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Kind of silly, I know, but a milestone that made me smile… And as I ran I had various aches and pains – first my knee, then my hip, then my ankle, and always slight throbbing on the right side of my chest, but all things I can work through. I think my body is just shocked it’s moving again!

I made it back, slowly, but having put the first 3.1 miles on my new sneakers – so basically a 5k. Not bad for the first venture out. It will be a long road to my goal of a half marathon this year, but I know I can do it. And hopefully no more start/stops in the foreseeable future…

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“Why, why, whhhhhyyyyy???” I woke up whining. And I hate whining. But it’s also very cold and I hate the cold. And while I love that running lets me eat and helps me not get huge, I don’t love running. (Sorry Phil.) And have I mentioned that I am not a morning person? I thought so. Yet here it is, Thanksgiving morning, when really I don’t need to be anywhere before noon, and what am I doing? Getting up. Early. To run. In the cold. Why? Because this year I can.

I never think of the weather when I sign up for these 5ks. I think of the cause (in this case Multiple Sclerosis – it’s the Boston Volvo Village 5k Road Race for MS) or the other people running (some of my Genzyme Running Team peeps) or the great people watching (people dressed up like turkeys, pilgrims, Indians and I’m sure there will be at least a few Santas).

I did, however, start to think about the weather yesterday, when I heard how incredibly cold today was predicted to be. Andrew asked where and when to meet, and I told him I’d be there if it was above 30 and not raining or wicked windy – I can’t afford to get sick with surgery less than two weeks away. Then, last night when I was snuggled warm in bed, and was thinking how crazy it is to be out in the cold period, I texted Tara.

Me: Remind me there’s no excuse not to run in the morning. I won’t get sick and it doesn’t matter that I haven’t run in two weeks or how slow I am.

Tara: Slow and steady! Something is not just better than nothing, it’s an investment in you. I’m running/walking a turkey trot in the morning. You’ll feel better for doing it.

And I know, as usual, she’s right.

So I woke up and rolled over to check the weather, figuring above 30 and I’m good, since the beams of light shining into my room already told me it’s not raining. And what does the weather say? 30 – and then “feels like 19” – ugh! I could’ve texted Andrew, told him I didn’t want to risk getting sick (which is seriously the big fear in the back of my mind, but also an excuse), but I didn’t. Because then I started thinking about last Thanksgiving.

Last Thanksgiving I couldn’t run, regardless of the weather. Thanksgiving week 2012 I finished my 24th week of chemo. It was the last, but my body ached more than ever, I had tons of numbness and tingling in my fingers and feet, and the lymphedema had just started. And I had radiation still ahead of me. Oh, and I was bald. No eyebrows, no eyelashes and no hair on my head. Running was the last thing on my mind – I was just thankful I could get up in the morning!

So today I am running. Because I can. Because God is good and has given me a great life, and a second chance, and I don’t want to waste it. 2013 may not have been the easiest or best year, but it’s been a hell of a lot better than 2012. I am so thankful for all my family, friends, and work buddies who have stuck by me, encouraged me and even pushed me when needed. And I am thankful for the new people in my life, including someone who makes me smile every day, even when he’s not in the same state! I have incredible hope and confidence that as great as things are now, they are going to keep getting better. And for all that I am beyond thankful.

Andrew just texted.

Andrew: Running?

Me: Yup. Will be there shortly.

So I better stop typing and go freeze, I mean run. 😉 Happy Thanksgiving all! Xo

Post run update: Yup. I ran. And froze. But it was worth it!

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