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Posts Tagged ‘mastectomy’

I feel good

Posted in Boston, Cancer, chemotherapy, hair, recovery, work, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on June 23, 2012| 5 Comments »

For the first time in what seems like forever, I woke up yesterday feeling good. With a clear head, feeling hardly any pain (just expansion ones), I actually felt like me. I had energy, I felt like I actually could concentrate and get things done at work, and I forgot about being sick for a little while. It’s only when I catch my reflection in glass that I’m reminded.

I’m excited. I know this is for a limited time, but I am counting on feeling this way until round two starts on July 3. And I am going to cherish every minute. I am so thankful – it means I can really pack and run and work and just be me for the next week and a half!

Tonight I met some old friends from National Grid for dinner. It was so good to catch up with them and enjoy food without being nauseous and have a drink without being concerned about medications and to stay out past 9 p.m. without being exhausted. I even elected to walk home because it was such a beautiful night in the city and I wanted to enjoy every second of this good feeling. And then out of the blue, halfway down Newbury St., a cute young guy stopped me and gave me a flower. I started to say no thank you and then changed my mind and graciously accepted it. Why not? We both smiled and wished each other a good night. A really nice ending to my day – and a sign of good days ahead!

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Wig party

Posted in Cancer, chemotherapy, Decisions, Denial, family, hair, Planning, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 19, 2012| 6 Comments »

Today definitely got better than my early morning and T ride to work, which is when I wrote that last post. Many of my closest friends and family joined me at my afternoon wig fitting at Dana-Farber. A picture tells a thousand words, right? So I posted a slideshow below of pictures Tina took during the fitting. Yes, it was hard (teared up at one point, but held strong – and thank you, V, for telling me you’re proud of me – way to make me teary again!), but they all kept me smiling and laughing. Hard not to, with some of those wig choices! I was at times:

  • Kim Kardashian
  • Snooki
  • A retired high school secretary
  • Alivia (we took a pic of me and Nick with another camera, Livy – we’ll send it to you!)
  • Jennifer Garner in Alias
  • A Russian spy
  • Me in 8th grade

I’m sure I’m missing some, but you get the idea. It was fun. And I picked one. And it’s perfectly nice. But it’s not me. I never thought I’d be the type to just go bald and live with it, but I very well may. By the time we got to dinner, I already had the wig tied back in a pony tail. And first thing when I walked in the apartment, I threw it on the table. It feels like a hat. Hard to get used to.

But maybe I will. Maybe I’ll get more. A blond one. A long one. The American Cancer Society has a non-profit wig site which is much more affordable (my insurance covered this first one, thank goodness) and maybe I’ll embrace it and have fun. Maybe test different ones at local bars and see which draws the most attention… It’s not like people who see me every day, like folks at work, will think a wig is my real hair anyway, so why not change it like I change my shoes?

For now, while I still have my own hair (albeit very short), I think that’s what I’ll go with. And we’ll see how I feel each day when I wake up. Because I think that’s all I can do for right now.

But thank you, thank you, thank you, to all who joined me today (especially Hannah, Allegra, Sydney and Nadia – I know this is all very strange for young girls!) and made me laugh and smile, I love you all and so appreciate you taking your afternoon for this! And thank you to those who wanted to join us but weren’t able, both near and far, you were with us in spirit and thought and I hope you laugh at the pictures… xo

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p.s. In between the wig fitting and dinner, I visited Dr. H and got my next expansion – a few more ounces in each breast. Hey: it’s the beginning of cleavage! Very happy to be growing in that area, but already starting to feel the pain. Should be a fun few days – but it’s worth it!

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Body chronicles

Posted in Cancer, chemotherapy, hair, recovery, tagged , , , , , , , on June 19, 2012| Leave a Comment »

7:30 a.m. Tuesday

Up two pounds, four pimples and one mouth sore. Down a bit of hair. I don’t want to seem like I’m complaining and I don’t want people to feel bad for me. I just feel the need to document my changing body through this ordeal. So I think I’m going to have a log on the side or top of this blog to track the changes – even though what I’d really rather do is ignore them! But I think that’s probably going to become harder and harder as I see it every time I look in the mirror and I taste it in my metallic mouth and feel it in my queasy stomach. Wish I could be one of those people who loses weight during chemo but instead it looks like all the weight I ran to lose is coming right back thanks to the steroids. Good thing I didn’t get rid of ALL my bigger clothes! On the up side, today I will gain a few ounces in each breast and hopefully find a wig to cover my soon bald head…

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