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Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

Reflections on 20 Years

Posted in Cancer, connections, Dating, Decisions, Dreams, Home, Planning, Uncategorized, tagged , , , on November 25, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Last night I went to my (gulp) 20 year high school reunion. And I had an absolute blast. The only bad thing was that it wasn’t long enough and many of us couldn’t believe it when the bar was kicking us out because they wanted to close. Of course, Nicole (one of my closest school friends) and I ended up talking even longer in my car until we realized that we better both get on the road before we were too tired to drive. The whole thing wiped me out so much that I slept until 1:30 this afternoon and never got out of my pjs!

I spent much of the day (once I finally woke up) replaying some of last night’s conversations in my head. It was a lot like speed dating, in that there were so many people to talk to with that you mainly had fairly short, but hopefully meaningful, spurts of dialogue. Then something would happen to push you apart, and although you said you’d be back, the time flew by so fast, inevitably that was the end of the discussion. 10 years – which is when most of us were last together, at our last reunion – is just too long. Even with Facebook.

And then there were many that you never even got to connect with – again, because time ran out – and several more that weren’t able to be there at all. So many missed!

But then there were the gems of the night – the real food for thought…

  • about love – that if it’s right, it can last, even if you met in school. And if you haven’t found your love yet, make sure that you hold out for the right person, that he or she is out there, and until then, enjoy dating and ‘companionship.’
  • about life – know that you can start over whenever and wherever you want. It’s all up to you and only you can stop you.
  • about friendship – that it doesn’t matter how many years go by, there are some people you will always instantly click and feel comfortable with. And often they are the ones to introduce you to new people who are destined to become your new friends.
  • about people – that everyone has a story, if you’ll only listen.
  • about acceptance – that if you are honest, open and comfortable with yourself, they will appreciate and accept you for who you are.

Many people asked how I was doing, and others simply offered words of support – my favorite was the big, long bear hug and the whispered words of “you know what I’m saying, right?” I know – and thank you!

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Chemo Round 3 and moving on…

Posted in Alone, Boston, Cancer, chemotherapy, connections, Dating, Decisions, Denial, family, hair, recovery, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on July 28, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Damn it all! Why does it go from extreme fatigue to unstoppable insomnia?! I had a really nice dinner with a friend tonight, first time out since Tuesday, but it was cut a bit short because I was so darn tired, as usual lately! Then I got home and fell promptly to sleep, only to be awoken by the conclusion of Olympics opening ceremonies on TV a few hours later. (Glad I DVRd it so I can just watch the highlights.) After poking around a bit online (more on that below), I tried to get back to sleep for an hour or so, but to no avail. Oh well. I’ll catch up here and then hopefully be sufficiently exhausted again!

So, chemo round 3…

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Even the nurses agree I am a very lucky girl – it never fails that we are the happiest group in the chemo quarters – or maybe it’s most delirious – I’m not really sure. But there are always plenty of laughs! Thanks to mom joining us as a sea otter, my girlfriends Tina, Tara (and her chocolate merlot frosted cupcakes) and Vanessa, and Nick putting up with us all!

Surprise, surprise – this round was different from the other two. I didn’t feel too sick the next day, but the one after that – yesterday – was worse. The nausea really set in, as did the fatigue. But I am on the up again today and am hoping that was the worst of it and I will be back to 100%, or as close as possible, to get back to work on Monday. I am crossing my fingers as the metallic taste hasn’t set in again yet – and feel like I’m jinxing myself by saying it at all! Overall I know I am lucky to not be feeling even worse and am simply thankful.

So one of the main topics at chemo – mostly after Nick left since it’s among his least favorite topics, especially where I’m concerned – was dating. It just happened that Dana-Farber posted a blog that morning about dating during cancer and therapy. I had been seeing someone, but it just didn’t work, for so many reasons. And I know I need to move on, but wasn’t sure if I really could – again, for so many reasons – but this article has given me the push I guess I need. And the ok to start something new while I’m still in the midst of this crazy ride.

I had sworn off doing the online dating thing again (had been determined to meet someone ‘organically’), but according to the article, it isn’t such a bad idea. So I polled a bunch of friends to find out: do I put it all out there in my profile? Post pics of me then and now? Long brown hair, bald, blond, hats, whatever? Or do I go minimal and then clue the person in just before we meet? Or give it a few dates or what? What IS the dating etiquette when you’re recovering from cancer and, frankly, bald???

Well, as usual, I received a plethora of fabulous advice from all – and on all sides of the debate. So tonight, before turning to write this, I did it: I put myself out there on one of the free dating sites. I did a mix – all pics from this year, many from the last couple weeks, but none so out there (like bald or blonde) that it is overtly obvious. But if someone is observant, they will see there’s no hair peeking out from the hats. If I get a good conversation going, I will probably bring it up before we go out, simply not to waste his time or mine, but for now at least it will be a good distraction. A little flirting never hurt anyone, right? And it’s usually the best push to get you (or at least me) to finally move on…

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Vacation

Posted in Cancer, chemotherapy, Dating, Decisions, Denial, Dreams, family, hair, Home, prayer, recovery, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on July 20, 2012| 2 Comments »

This was more than just a vacation from work. I thought of it as much as a vacation from cancer as from anything else. I figured since it was my good week – the one just before my next (third) round – and when I wouldn’t have to be taking any meds, I could just forget I was sick for a little while (once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator). But you know that didn’t happen.

A bit of background: we are down the Cape for one week, with about 25 different family members from all sides, staying at three different houses all on the same street we’ve vacationed on every summer since I can remember. Family of all ages has come from Florida, West Virginia and all over Massachusetts. It’s great, like the Waltons or the Brady Bunch. I love it!

So I thought I could pretend all was normal and just feel good and enjoy not being at work AND not being sick. But as soon as I got here, the little reminders started sprouting up. Like others seeing me bald for the first time. And the kids wanting to see my wigs. And having to wear more sunscreen than I’m used to – and being somewhat cautious with the sun in general. (No, I didn’t want a burnt head!)

The biggest, and most difficult for me (and my mother, who was cognizant of it even before I was), was the fatigue setting in. At first I attributed it to the sea air and the sun. But no, it’s the cancer/chemo. Having to take naps and go to bed earlier than normal (although I suppose most don’t see 11 as early), and sleeping in later than most, and later than normal for me. And the hardest of all: getting winded after just a short time running. I can still do the three mile intervals, but am winded through most of it. It’s not a breeze like it used to be – and I hate that! I had wanted to work up to more again, but I think that’s going to have to  wait until after chemo is done.

So I’ve accepted the fatigue and being bald. It doesn’t mean I have to like it, but I will not fight it. And we’ve been having fun with my bald head – Nick even shaved the stubble for me the other day, with all our family sitting around us and chiming in with tips, like a barber shop. And I’m starting to try out the wigs on short shopping trips or out to dinner, just for fun.

Some people have gotten pretty used to me being bald. Nick’s even said he likes it now. I still have a hard time looking in the mirror, but otherwise am fine with it. Others, I know, will never get used to it or even be able to really look at me. Not just because I’m bald, but they can’t handle seeing me sick. It’s hard, I know. But I also know that if they can’t get past the outside and be there for me through this, maybe they never really loved me in the first place and we’re both better off. I guess it’s another side effect of the cancer, right? I tried to take a vacation from it, but it seems there’s no escaping it …

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