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Posts Tagged ‘bald’

Blonde

Posted in Cancer, Discovery, tagged , on August 12, 2012| 4 Comments »

I am in shock. Just now, at the Mass Pike rest stop on the way home from Western Mass, I looked in the bathroom mirror and realized the hair growing (in random patches- don’t get too excited for me) on my head is BLONDE. My jaw dropped and Tara, a few sinks away, looked at me inquisitively and said, “You look perplexed – what’s up?”

“Is it me or the light in here or is my hair really growing in blonde?” I asked.

“I noticed that yesterday,” she confirmed, “You do have the genes for it.”

“But I don’t think I want to be blonde!” I whined (even though I can’t stand whining.)

“That, my dear, is the beauty of being a woman,” Tara declared. “You can dye it any color you want! Besides, maybe it’s the peach fuzz like when babies are born, and it will change …”

I was born with a full head of dark brown hair. And I love(d) being a brunette. I am hoping I will be again, but if I am not, I will not dye it. Just like when my hair was starting to go grey, I was letting it. So if I end up blonde, I guess I will just channel my inner Marilyn … maybe not all the time, but certainly when I want to have fun! 🙂

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Wishes

Posted in Boston, Cancer, chemotherapy, Denial, Dreams, family, hair, London, prayer, recovery, work, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 6, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I am making a wish on each eyelash that I catch as it falls out. All those wishes have to add up, right? I refuse to waste a wish on anything pointless, like wishing that my eyelashes and eyebrows wouldn’t fall out, although I really don’t want them to. So what am I wishing for? Like birthday wishes, I don’t think you’re supposed to tell or they won’t come true. But I bet you can guess – they’re pretty much the same things that I pray for…

So I guess I can tell you more of the things that I wish but don’t waste the eyelash wishes on:

  • I wish the hair on my head would either all grow or not grow at all – it is so annoying having these patches of hair growing on my head! I really feel like a chia pet. Luckily, Nick is home from London and offered to shave my head again. I think I will be taking him up on that…
  • I wish people wouldn’t worry about me so much. Tonight I told Nick I was going for a run and he looked all serious and said “Really? Ok, but be careful. What time will you be back?” It is sweet. But I really do feel fine, these in-between weeks, after the initial week of hell and the next infusion. I can run, I can babysit, I can work, I can drive. I am good. And I feel bad wishing this – I am so, so thankful so many people care about me. I just wish they wouldn’t worry so much… 🙂 And yes, I am blocking out the incident at Training Camp, but that was also because I was stupid and rushed being better – I was still in that first week post-chemo. I will try to be smarter this next round…
  • I wish I could go to my cheap nail salon and get my regular mani/pedi’s again. Oh how I (and my hands and my feet) miss them…
  • I wish I didn’t have chemo brain. I hate it when I am not at the top of my game. And according to Sue, chemo brain lasts for months and months after the chemo stops. So I won’t be back 100% until well into 2013. Ugh. Good excuse for why I won’t be winning at trivia though. 🙂
  • I wish I had unlimited funds so I could buy more wigs. Now that I’ve started wearing them, they’re not so bad. But I don’t like to wear the same one all the time, I like to mix it up between wigs and hats just to try to have fun with it. Now to buy the electric blue one…
  • And then the most pointless wish of all: I wish I wasn’t sick! I know, as people keep reminding me, I am officially cancer free since the surgery, but the fact is the chemo makes me more sick than I ever felt with the cancer! I do understand why it had to be cut out and why I now have to go through all this chemo to kill all the cancer cells (especially after talking to my friend Laura who had it come back again, even after having a mastectomy!), but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

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Chemo Round 3 and moving on…

Posted in Alone, Boston, Cancer, chemotherapy, connections, Dating, Decisions, Denial, family, hair, recovery, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on July 28, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Damn it all! Why does it go from extreme fatigue to unstoppable insomnia?! I had a really nice dinner with a friend tonight, first time out since Tuesday, but it was cut a bit short because I was so darn tired, as usual lately! Then I got home and fell promptly to sleep, only to be awoken by the conclusion of Olympics opening ceremonies on TV a few hours later. (Glad I DVRd it so I can just watch the highlights.) After poking around a bit online (more on that below), I tried to get back to sleep for an hour or so, but to no avail. Oh well. I’ll catch up here and then hopefully be sufficiently exhausted again!

So, chemo round 3…

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Even the nurses agree I am a very lucky girl – it never fails that we are the happiest group in the chemo quarters – or maybe it’s most delirious – I’m not really sure. But there are always plenty of laughs! Thanks to mom joining us as a sea otter, my girlfriends Tina, Tara (and her chocolate merlot frosted cupcakes) and Vanessa, and Nick putting up with us all!

Surprise, surprise – this round was different from the other two. I didn’t feel too sick the next day, but the one after that – yesterday – was worse. The nausea really set in, as did the fatigue. But I am on the up again today and am hoping that was the worst of it and I will be back to 100%, or as close as possible, to get back to work on Monday. I am crossing my fingers as the metallic taste hasn’t set in again yet – and feel like I’m jinxing myself by saying it at all! Overall I know I am lucky to not be feeling even worse and am simply thankful.

So one of the main topics at chemo – mostly after Nick left since it’s among his least favorite topics, especially where I’m concerned – was dating. It just happened that Dana-Farber posted a blog that morning about dating during cancer and therapy. I had been seeing someone, but it just didn’t work, for so many reasons. And I know I need to move on, but wasn’t sure if I really could – again, for so many reasons – but this article has given me the push I guess I need. And the ok to start something new while I’m still in the midst of this crazy ride.

I had sworn off doing the online dating thing again (had been determined to meet someone ‘organically’), but according to the article, it isn’t such a bad idea. So I polled a bunch of friends to find out: do I put it all out there in my profile? Post pics of me then and now? Long brown hair, bald, blond, hats, whatever? Or do I go minimal and then clue the person in just before we meet? Or give it a few dates or what? What IS the dating etiquette when you’re recovering from cancer and, frankly, bald???

Well, as usual, I received a plethora of fabulous advice from all – and on all sides of the debate. So tonight, before turning to write this, I did it: I put myself out there on one of the free dating sites. I did a mix – all pics from this year, many from the last couple weeks, but none so out there (like bald or blonde) that it is overtly obvious. But if someone is observant, they will see there’s no hair peeking out from the hats. If I get a good conversation going, I will probably bring it up before we go out, simply not to waste his time or mine, but for now at least it will be a good distraction. A little flirting never hurt anyone, right? And it’s usually the best push to get you (or at least me) to finally move on…

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