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Posts Tagged ‘chemo’

I don’t want to!!!

Posted in Cancer, tagged , , , on August 14, 2012| 4 Comments »

I’m here for my last A/C treatment – the last of the worst chemo. I smiled as the nurse put the needle in my arm and took a bunch of blood. And again while she flushed it with saline to ready it for the IV. And I kept smiling and chatting as she realized she needed to take more blood because I am participating in a study and had to do it all over again. And then as it took forever to make my next few appointments for the next 12 weeks of chemo, which I do not want. It was supposed to be over today. And then my hair would start growing back. But it’s not. Yes, we’ll be done with the worst, but in three weeks we’re starting 12 more weeks. Ugh. I want to scream. I don’t want to smile and be nice. I want to forget this whole damn thing! I don’t want them to pump the poison into me today. I am so damn sick of being sick! And bald! Deep breaths before I flip on someone…. nurse will be here in a second to start. And I will smile and be nice. And soon all my friends will be here for my chemo party and then maybe my fake smile will be real…

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Walk/Run for Dana-Farber and The Jimmy Fund – and Me! :)

Posted in Boston, Cancer, chemotherapy, family, Fundraising, tagged , , , , , on August 7, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I seriously have the best friends on earth. Two of my dearest are devoting their time and energy to fundraising for Dana-Farber to help conquer cancer:

  • On Sunday, September 9, Heather Wojdag Forbes is leading team Amy’s Victorious Secret (no, sorry to disappoint, we will not be in lingerie…) in the 26.2-mile Boston Marathon Jimmy Fund Walk. Somehow she is fitting this in amidst getting her twins off to college, her younger two ready for school, working full-time as a nurse and teaching her first college course! Thank you, Heather! If you’re available September 9, please join her team – you don’t have to do the whole marathon, there are 13-mile, 5-mile and 3-mile options. And if you can’t join, please consider sponsoring – here is a link to Heather’s fundraising page:  Heather Wojdag Forbes’ Fundraising Page  Thank you!!! Oh – and for every donation over $10, we’ll write the name of a friend or loved one on the team shirts!
  • On October 14, Tara Henrichon will run the Newport Half Marathon, also to raise money for Dana-Farber and the Jimmy Fund. Tara, an avid runner who is also doing the Chicago half-marathon in September, was the first person to lure, uh, I mean inspire me into running and we were going to run Newport together. Instead, I will be there cheering her on as she runs with the intent of helping to make a world without cancer! Tara is another unbelievably busy woman and I’m not sure how she can find the time, but I so appreciate it – thank you, cousin! Please consider sponsoring Tara’s run: Tara Henrichon’s Dana-Farber Fundraising Page Thank you!!!

And I have just signed up and joined Heather’s team  – I will walk with Team Amy’s Victorious Secret for the Dana-Farber 3 mile route – the last three miles of the Marathon. You are welcome to sponsor me, too,  at Amy Atwood’s Fundraising Page . Or better yet, join the team. Or just join us at the finish line for fun and drinks after. Or all of the above! 🙂 Thank you so much!!!

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Wishes

Posted in Boston, Cancer, chemotherapy, Denial, Dreams, family, hair, London, prayer, recovery, work, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 6, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I am making a wish on each eyelash that I catch as it falls out. All those wishes have to add up, right? I refuse to waste a wish on anything pointless, like wishing that my eyelashes and eyebrows wouldn’t fall out, although I really don’t want them to. So what am I wishing for? Like birthday wishes, I don’t think you’re supposed to tell or they won’t come true. But I bet you can guess – they’re pretty much the same things that I pray for…

So I guess I can tell you more of the things that I wish but don’t waste the eyelash wishes on:

  • I wish the hair on my head would either all grow or not grow at all – it is so annoying having these patches of hair growing on my head! I really feel like a chia pet. Luckily, Nick is home from London and offered to shave my head again. I think I will be taking him up on that…
  • I wish people wouldn’t worry about me so much. Tonight I told Nick I was going for a run and he looked all serious and said “Really? Ok, but be careful. What time will you be back?” It is sweet. But I really do feel fine, these in-between weeks, after the initial week of hell and the next infusion. I can run, I can babysit, I can work, I can drive. I am good. And I feel bad wishing this – I am so, so thankful so many people care about me. I just wish they wouldn’t worry so much… 🙂 And yes, I am blocking out the incident at Training Camp, but that was also because I was stupid and rushed being better – I was still in that first week post-chemo. I will try to be smarter this next round…
  • I wish I could go to my cheap nail salon and get my regular mani/pedi’s again. Oh how I (and my hands and my feet) miss them…
  • I wish I didn’t have chemo brain. I hate it when I am not at the top of my game. And according to Sue, chemo brain lasts for months and months after the chemo stops. So I won’t be back 100% until well into 2013. Ugh. Good excuse for why I won’t be winning at trivia though. 🙂
  • I wish I had unlimited funds so I could buy more wigs. Now that I’ve started wearing them, they’re not so bad. But I don’t like to wear the same one all the time, I like to mix it up between wigs and hats just to try to have fun with it. Now to buy the electric blue one…
  • And then the most pointless wish of all: I wish I wasn’t sick! I know, as people keep reminding me, I am officially cancer free since the surgery, but the fact is the chemo makes me more sick than I ever felt with the cancer! I do understand why it had to be cut out and why I now have to go through all this chemo to kill all the cancer cells (especially after talking to my friend Laura who had it come back again, even after having a mastectomy!), but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

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