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Archive for April 17th, 2012

I should be happy. I should be elated. I should feel better. I got the results of the BRCA¬†genetic test today and it’s negative – no mutations were detected. So I won’t be passing it on to my future granddaughter¬†or nieces, which is the one part I AM overjoyed and infinitely thankful for. And of course I’m glad there’s not the likelihood of ovarian cancer, so I can keep my ovaries. So why am I not jumping for joy?

Because it means I have another damn decision to make. If the genetic test was positive, it would’ve been a double, plain and simple. The decision would be made. And early on I thought it was clear that if it was negative it would be a single. But then I went and spoke to people and read a ton, both discussion boards and other research, and so many people (including doctors and those who’ve been through it) recommend doing both anyway.

Their reasoning? Those who do just one have to be tested every six months. And they go through the worry all over again each time. And put their loved ones through it all over again. And then when there is something detected, it’s more biopsies and pain and stress. And God forbid it does appear in the other breast – it’s everything you’ve just been through repeated. This is not fun and not something I want to do again. And there are the cosmetic reasons too: doing both at once is easier to match and feel better about yourself in that way.

Why do some only do one? Less invasive – avoiding doing a possibly unnecessary surgery. Less pain and recovery time. To keep one natural breast, so you retain the feeling and the opportunity to breast feed if a baby is in your future.

So I don’t know. I’m so sick of options when there isn’t a clear one and none are good. Again, I hate all the options, and again, doing nothing isn’t one of them. Tomorrow is my pre-op so I will talk to my surgeon and see what he thinks. And I’ll also look into things more with my insurance. And I will make a decision. Because I have to.

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