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Yes, today was the Boston Marathon Jimmy Fund Walk. And while for the past several weeks, we’ve been fundraising as much as possible (thank you, thank you, thank you to EVERYONE who donated!!!!), the walk is not just about money. It’s about people. Dana-Farber and The Jimmy Fund know that – that’s why they had patient and doctor quotes all over the place, from start to finish. And they highlighted a patient at every mile marker. Our team, Amy’s Victorious Secret (Heather named it – and had the shirts made), wanted to highlight people, too. We did that by decorating (thanks to Heather’s mom, Diane, and her love of craft materials) the backs of those very pink shirts with names.

So many names came to mind. Diane, Heather, Amanda, Jennene and I sat around Diane’s dining room table (after eating a fabulous feast for which we also had Diane to thank) trying the fabric markers, arranging stickers and trying not to smudge the fabric paint as we shared the names we were adding to our shirts. And for some, the people and stories behind the letters on the shirts.

For me, it started with donations: some friends who donated were honoring loved ones by donating, and I wanted to recognize that, and honor them, too. Then there are those who, like me, are fighting right now (or recently) and I wanted them to know they are in my heart, mind and prayers, and that I am rooting for them. There are also names of people who fought their fights and won – and have shared their words of wisdom and been sources of inspiration for me. This was one more way I could say thank you. Finally, some of the names are family members or friends who have passed away and I wanted to remember them.

This was also about the people around me today: new friends like Amanda and Jennene; old friends like Kevin, Jeremy and Diane; and especially about Heather, who has been one of my dearest friends since we were in the fifth grade and wanted to be Solid Gold Dancers. Let me tell you about Heather…

Heather has been a source of inspiration for me since we were 10-years-old and she refused to listen to other kids on the playground when they told her I wasn’t cool and she shouldn’t play with me. She has always been true to herself, never caring what anyone else thinks. And because she has such an incredibly lovable and optimistic personality, everyone wants to be her friend. Heather has faced more physical trials than most people I know. We joked last night that not only shouldn’t we keep everyone up with our talking and giggling all night (we slept over Heather’s parents’ house, just like the old days), but we also shouldn’t have any late-night hospital visits! I’m afraid Heather used to have such bad asthma attacks, it wasn’t unusual for us to have to make a road trip in the middle of the night to make sure she was ok. During the day at school, we had to watch everything she ate – because as much as she loved food (and somehow never put on an ounce of weight), she was allergic to practically everything!

Then Heather was diagnosed with severe scoliosis. Not only did she have to wear a large plastic brace through much of high school, she also had to have multiple surgeries to have rods placed in her back (and fixed when they broke). I’ll never forget our conversations (often with our other best friend Nicole) about the future, and questioning if Heather would ever be able to have children or be able to dance again…

Well, not only did she have children, she married her high school sweetheart Jeremy (who I got her together with at a dance – he’s the tall one in the pictures), had four incredible children (including twin boys who are just starting college – and her two youngest are in the decorating photos above) and we spent our last birthdays dancing the nights away. No, she did not become a Solid Gold dancer: she became one of the best nurses in the industry. In fact, she is even teaching her first college course this year, sharing her knowledge with others.

Just about two years ago, we had a huge scare: Heather was in a bad car accident and broke her back. Amazingly, you would never know it today. In fact, last year she walked the full 26.2 mile Jimmy Fund Boston Marathon Walk with Amanda. And this year, right after I was diagnosed, Heather asked if she could start a team for this year’s walk in my honor. How could I, why would I, say no? (Of course the picture she posted on the team site was another thing… 😉 )

Heather’s unstoppable energy, resilience and determination have been an inspiration to me the majority of my life. And no matter how much time goes by that we don’t talk, how busy our lives get, I know that she is always there for me – always has my back – and that when we get together, it won’t seem like a moment has passed.

Thank you for today, Heath, and for always being one of my angels on earth – love you!

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I honestly cannot believe it: today is five months since I was sitting in my office and got the call from my doctor saying “you have breast cancer.” In some ways, it feels like a lifetime – I hardly remember a time when cancer wasn’t consuming my life. In other ways, I don’t know where these last five months have gone – I feel like it was just February, we were finishing the shutdown and celebrating my 38th birthday. (What a dud 38 has turned out to be – bring on 39!!!!)

But as much of a nightmare as this has all been, anyone who knows me knows that I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I refuse to curl up in a ball and cry endlessly (although I let myself for a few minutes every now and then…), become useless or a burden and just accept my fate. I am not going to over-analyze this and whine ‘why me’ over and over, either. In fact, I don’t think I have to – I think now maybe I know why me…

Just as I sat down to write this, my phone rang. I was so relieved to see my friend’s name. It was only a month ago that she told me the horrific news that she’d found a lump. I refered her to my fabulous dream team at Dana-Farber and it was confirmed as breast cancer. And today she was having a lumpectomy. While I’d heard she made it through fine, I was excited to hear her voice and know it for sure. I exclaimed my relief over the news that the doctors said all went well and they believe they caught it early and it’s all gone. And she said, “It’s thanks to you. You reminding everyone to check.” And that’s it. Maybe that is why. Maybe I needed to go through this so others can catch it early enough and stop it. Words can’t express how thankful I am that she found that lump and stopped it. That makes every second of this journey worth it.

So please – do your self-checks. And tell your sisters, mothers, wives, lovers, friends, daughters, everyone, to do their checks, too. But it’s not enough. We have to stop the damn c-word completely! As some of you know, I am excited to have two opportunities to help in the collective fight against cancer:

  • Tomorrow (Tuesday, August 21) at 1:15 p.m. I will be interviewed live on the 11thAnnual WEEI / NESN Jimmy Fund Radio-Telethon – Events – The Jimmy Fund. (WEEI is Boston’s sports radio station – 93.7 FM and 850 AM and you can listen live online at www.weei.com; It may also be simulcast on TV (NESN), but that’s TBD.) They are going to interview me about my personal cancer experience, my interactions at Dana-Farber, etc. Hopefully I’ll be able to help some cancer survivors know they are not alone in their experiences and inspire some people to donate and help conquer cancer. (And hopefully I won’t embarrass myself on live radio/TV…)
  • I’m also honored that my childhood friend Heather Forbes started a team for me in the Jimmy Fund Boston Marathon Walk on September 9. I am thrilled to be feeling healthy enough to walk the last three miles with the team, so have registered. Our team is still looking for walkers (and supporters), so if you are able, please join us – there are multiple legs, you don’t have to do the whole 26.2 miles! For more information on walking or donating: Amy’s Jimmy Fund Walk Page.

Thank you: every prayer, every self-check, every step walked, every penny donated: together we really can make a difference in this fight!

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Damn it all! Why does it go from extreme fatigue to unstoppable insomnia?! I had a really nice dinner with a friend tonight, first time out since Tuesday, but it was cut a bit short because I was so darn tired, as usual lately! Then I got home and fell promptly to sleep, only to be awoken by the conclusion of Olympics opening ceremonies on TV a few hours later. (Glad I DVRd it so I can just watch the highlights.) After poking around a bit online (more on that below), I tried to get back to sleep for an hour or so, but to no avail. Oh well. I’ll catch up here and then hopefully be sufficiently exhausted again!

So, chemo round 3…

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Even the nurses agree I am a very lucky girl – it never fails that we are the happiest group in the chemo quarters – or maybe it’s most delirious – I’m not really sure. But there are always plenty of laughs! Thanks to mom joining us as a sea otter, my girlfriends Tina, Tara (and her chocolate merlot frosted cupcakes) and Vanessa, and Nick putting up with us all!

Surprise, surprise – this round was different from the other two. I didn’t feel too sick the next day, but the one after that – yesterday – was worse. The nausea really set in, as did the fatigue. But I am on the up again today and am hoping that was the worst of it and I will be back to 100%, or as close as possible, to get back to work on Monday. I am crossing my fingers as the metallic taste hasn’t set in again yet – and feel like I’m jinxing myself by saying it at all! Overall I know I am lucky to not be feeling even worse and am simply thankful.

So one of the main topics at chemo – mostly after Nick left since it’s among his least favorite topics, especially where I’m concerned – was dating. It just happened that Dana-Farber posted a blog that morning about dating during cancer and therapy. I had been seeing someone, but it just didn’t work, for so many reasons. And I know I need to move on, but wasn’t sure if I really could – again, for so many reasons – but this article has given me the push I guess I need. And the ok to start something new while I’m still in the midst of this crazy ride.

I had sworn off doing the online dating thing again (had been determined to meet someone ‘organically’), but according to the article, it isn’t such a bad idea. So I polled a bunch of friends to find out: do I put it all out there in my profile? Post pics of me then and now? Long brown hair, bald, blond, hats, whatever? Or do I go minimal and then clue the person in just before we meet? Or give it a few dates or what? What IS the dating etiquette when you’re recovering from cancer and, frankly, bald???

Well, as usual, I received a plethora of fabulous advice from all – and on all sides of the debate. So tonight, before turning to write this, I did it: I put myself out there on one of the free dating sites. I did a mix – all pics from this year, many from the last couple weeks, but none so out there (like bald or blonde) that it is overtly obvious. But if someone is observant, they will see there’s no hair peeking out from the hats. If I get a good conversation going, I will probably bring it up before we go out, simply not to waste his time or mine, but for now at least it will be a good distraction. A little flirting never hurt anyone, right? And it’s usually the best push to get you (or at least me) to finally move on…

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