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One year ago today I shaved my head. So many other things were happening – I was moving, I had just started chemo, my relationship was ending, I fell and fractured my arm and bruised my knee – and then my hair started to fall out, so I shaved it. I remember the day so well; thinking about it makes me feel like I’m reliving it. (It all really hurt, some mentally and some physically, so I’m not going to spend much time thinking about it or rehashing it here.) But then in other ways, it feels like it was a lifetime ago. Sometimes I’m amazed at all that happened in the span of a year!

Last night, I took a break from unpacking (yep, I moved again!) and Tina and I went to see Tim McGraw at the Comcast Center. And of course he sang Live Like You Were Dying. Just as last year when I saw him perform it live at Gillette, it wrecked me. As I listened to the words (and cried my eyes out), I thought. Have I lived like I was dying? I know that was my original intention, but what have I really done in this past year? The first thing that jumped in my head was “survived.” I have survived the year. I fought through the year. I struggled to remain some semblance of normalcy through the 24 weeks of chemo and six weeks of radiation. I bought any beauty product that I thought might make me look more normal while bald. I tried to keep everything going even when I felt like just going to sleep.

I didn’t go sky diving. I haven’t been mountain climbing or bull riding since my road trip in 2010. I’ve tried to stay close to my friends and family, but I haven’t seen or talked to them nearly as much as I would like or feel I should. In fact, my life has seemingly resumed its normal chaos, pace and craziness. Maybe that’s not a good thing. Maybe it’s time to change that.

The problem is, there simply is not enough time in any day, not enough days in a week, not enough… well, you get it. There are so many things I want to do and never, ever enough time to do it. So maybe what that song means is not just that I have to rush to do all the things I want to do (in case I die tomorrow), but to take the time to do the things that really matter. To spend what precious time you do have wisely. I need to think about that. And I will. But for right now I am happy and thankful. Happy and thankful to have hair again, to be settling into my new apartment, to have a job I love, and family and friends who mean the world to me. And that I don’t have to go through chemo this summer and remember to put lotion or a hat on my bald head!

Tim2013

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“I have to say you are the most active person I’ve ever met. You are exhausting just to follow on facebook.” Seeing that post from my cousin’s husband on my facebook wall when I woke up this morning completely cracked me up. “Ha ha ha – yes, I exhaust myself much of the time, too…” And this weekend was really a prime example of it:

  • Friday night’s fundraiser for One Fund Boston was AWESOME! We raised $3,175 for the One Fund – and Genzyme will add to that through our GIVE program. Not bad for just starting on Tuesday with Andrew IMing me saying “So do you think Friday’s too soon for a fundraiser?” So glad we did it! Thank you to everyone who helped, Nick for helping Andrew and me at the door, everyone who joined us, bought raffle tickets, donated raffle items – and Towne for donating the space and delicious appetizers. Such a wonderful venue! If you haven’t been, you need to check it out. Great people as well as fab food.

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  • Several of us went from Towne to Legal’s for a late dinner – and then I had a presentation to finish for work so there wasn’t much sleep before…
  • I had to be up early to attend Dana-Farber’s Second Annual Summit on Fundraising at the Copley Marriott. The initial panel with Dana-Farber doctors and staff was surprisingly difficult. Hearing the facts and statistics about cancer – even the positive ones on the progress being made – just really hit home. As Lisa Scherber, the Director of Patient and Family Programs, spoke about helping girls with cancer see that they are still beautiful, tears welled in my eyes. “Not sure I’m strong enough to be here,” I texted Tara. But I took some deep breaths, dabbed my eyes and tried to focus on WHY I was there – to get new fundraising ideas to help make a difference in people’s lives who really need it.  So I attended three other sessions: Fundraising 101; Social Media and Online Resources; and How to Secure a Sponsorship. I learned at least one new thing in each session, and they inspired other ideas that are now swirling around in my head. I texted Heather about our Jimmy Fund Marathon Walk Team and we are both so excited to kick it off – more info coming soon!!! (And please let me know if you want to join our team – Sept. 8, the Boston Marathon route, Hopkinton to Copley, although you can walk shorter 10, 5 or 3 mile routes.) One of the highlights of the day was running into a woman I met at the Young Adult Cancer Conference a few weeks ago. She lives nearby and we’re going to meet up soon. Of course the way we ran into each other – as we were evacuating Copley due to fire alarms – wasn’t fun, but at least they let us back in the building, told us it was a false alarm with the sprinklers, and were able to continue the seminar…
  • And then I had to run home and get ready for the Passport to Belonging event at the West End House Boys and Girls Club in Allston. Genzyme was a major sponsor of the event, so I was part of the event planning committee and have really been looking forward to the evening for months. I was joined at the dinner by several colleagues and friends, many for whom it was their first visit to the West End House. All were impressed with the facility, which is such an incredible place for kids of all ages in the community. I was relieved I got there in time to still purchase some of the things they made in the art studio and the kitchen, but next year I’m going earlier to make sure I get to see everything! At least we were there for the full program: Peter Gammons, the award-winning sportswriter, was there as he is the mentor of one of the students who was honored, and he interviewed both students on stage, really letting them tell their stories in such a great format; then there was a fun live ask and auction (I want to host an auction just so I can hire that auctioneer – she was a hoot!); and then we danced the night away to the Anthony Steele Band. No one could match Vanessa’s moves, but we all had fun trying! 528410_10201006189144049_738326541_n
  • Today it was hard to wake up – but I did, as I got to have lunch with Tina and my three beautiful Goddaughters. It’s only been a little while since I last saw them, yet somehow they grew so much!!! After lunch Allegra and I went shopping for her shoes and accessories for her upcoming Best Buddies prom. We had a great time, and now she’s all set! Can’t wait to see the pictures…

So yes, I may be crazy busy much of the time – and yes, I will try to get more sleep, Dad – but at least I’m crazy for a cause. Several of them, actually… so it’s more than worth it! Just wish there were a few more hours in each day, or another day in the week…

 

 

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My heart is broken for so many people. Those who were killed, those who were injured, and all who know and love them. And – albeit on a different level – for those who, like my cousin Tara, and several of my friends on our Marathon Team, were about to complete their first marathon when all hell broke loose.

Many people will have their stories of where they were when it happened, and this is mine. It was one of the scariest times of my life, and I know I’m still in shock because I haven’t really broken down yet…

I was there, in the heart of it. In fact, had Gail, the friend I was with, not had to go to the bathroom, we may not be here right now. You see, we were rushing from Mile 14 to the finish line, where we had VIP passes, including to the grandstand. I drove, with Gail, Derek from NORD, and David and Doug, our photographers, and the closest parking I could think of was at the Prudential Center.  There was a bit of a back-up getting in, and we wanted to capture as many images as possible of our Marathon Team runners crossing the finish line, so I let David, Doug and Derek out of the car just before entering the garage; Gail said she’d stay and keep me company – thank goodness she did.

We found a parking spot pretty quick and were hurrying to get out onto Boylston St. so we could get over to the VIP area and see the rest of our runners finish – a few were getting close according to the text messages. But as we headed out of the Pru, Gail asked if we could take a detour and go to the ladies room first. So back we went and stood in line, waiting, got through it, and then were back on our way out to the street.

All of the sudden, we heard the boom, and knew instantly something bad happened. And then, as people all looked at each other and then started toward the windows to see what it could be, smoke appeared out the window. And then, everyone in front of us – seemingly hundreds of people – all turned toward us and started running and screaming “Run, run, run” – so we turned and ran for our lives. We locked arms to try to run together, scared that we’d be separated. All I could think of while I ran was that it must be gunmen; that someone first set a bomb, were armed, too, and they were coming into the Pru. So we ran as fast as we could, along with everyone else, cutting through the food court, pushing chairs and tables out of the way,  anything to get out the side doors and away from danger.

Only outside we went, and saw the smoke. And the screaming. And the police were not far behind, pushing us away from the finish line, and the stands, and then ambulances were in front of us, and runners were next to us. They were as confused as us and we were all trying to piece it all together… then we were being told we needed to completely evacuate the area, and we had to go toward Mass Ave. One cop looked at us and said, “I’m sorry, but we don’t know how many more are in this area, so we have to get you all out so you can be safe.” So we went.

And along the way we tried both to update our loved ones, as well as to check on our runners and friends in the stands. From where the ambulances were, and the smoke, it appeared that it was all on the actual course, so we were most concerned about the runners. I tried a few times to call my son, my parents, and our photographers, but couldn’t get a line out. Texts weren’t being reliable either – kept getting held up. Luckily, my blackberry e-mail was working. I immediately went into crisis mode, updating our senior leadership team, partnering with Lisa in Corp Comm to make sure all of our runners and onlookers at the finish line were safe. It took many emails, texts and phone calls from various people over a couple of hours – all the while being constantly pushed further away from the scene, and praying my iphone, portable charger and blackberry would hold their charges – but we were able to confirm all were ok. I was even able to stand on top of one of the cement pillars at the Mass Ave. underpass and actually see Phil, Andrew and Shane, which filled me with a bit of relief.

Once we knew all were safe, and learned our photographers were just about back to Allston, we decided to head to my apartment where my cousin and her family and friends were, and Gail could be picked up from there. Nearly the entire way, past Kenmore Square, by BU, there were police swarming the streets, and sirens constantly going. We stopped quickly at Sunset to hug Nick (he was working), and then walked the rest of the way home and collapsed.

It’s all just surreal. It was like a movie, not like it really happened. The evening has gone by in a blur. Once things started going through there were so many texts and voicemails – and I haven’t even seen facebook yet. In the middle of it all, when I knew the texting and calls weren’t working I did a mass post to my facebook, twitter and linked in accounts so all would know we were ok. I can’t even express how much I appreciated so many people checking on us…

Gail and I hugged many times as she left, both so thankful we had each other through it all. I can’t imagine going through all that alone.

After a quick bite to eat, I was told the Pru garage was open. So Tara and I took a drive down there and found out that is most certainly not true. The National Guard (Army guys) or police are blocking off all the surrounding streets. When we got to the corner by the Pru, we asked, and explained the garage people told us we could get it, they said absolutely not – they’re not even letting anyone walk on those streets, let alone drive on them. Maybe tomorrow.

Or, I guess, now looking at the clock, later today. So that is my story. I know there are things I left out, my mind is a jumble, and my heart is so very heavy… but I am above all else thankful to still be here, for diverting our path at just the right time, and that all we know are safe. And so devastated for those who are not as lucky…

 

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