Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘hair’

Blind Spots

Posted in Cancer, chemotherapy, Denial, family, hair, tagged , , , , , , , on August 25, 2012| 10 Comments »

The other night my friend Herb told me about his recent trip to Florida and how surprised he was at how much his ailing father had changed. His mother hasn’t been straight with him on the phone and has been continuing to basically live their lives the same without accommodating for the changes in her husband. As I listened, it occurred to me that it has nothing to do with his mother being mean, neglectful or not loving his father. It’s BECAUSE she loves him so much that she just doesn’t want to face it. She doesn’t want to see how he’s changing and how frail he is, how much help he needs. She wants him to be the same man she fell in love with, the same man she married. Maybe she really can’t see the changes. It is her blind spot  – don’t they say love is blind?

Then I realized: that’s how a few people are with me. It’s not that they don’t love or care about me that they completely ignore the fact that anything is different about me, maybe it’s that they do love me that it hurts them to see me this way and just refuse to face and deal with it. I am still hurt by how they now treat me, but this new perspective helps me understand them a little bit more, and at least makes me feel like maybe I do matter to them.

And then I had another revelation: that’s actually what I am doing to myself. I still get shocked when I look in the mirror. I still cringe when I see pictures of myself bald. I just went for a run (if you can even call what I’m doing running) and got frustrated with myself that I couldn’t even do the whole 3 miles of one minute run and one minute walk – sometimes I had to walk for two or three minutes before doing another minute of running. I don’t want to face that I don’t have hair any more. I don’t want to see that the steroids and eating to ease the nausea are making me pack back on the pounds. I don’t want to be tired after a few minutes running. I want to be the me I was in February…

Read Full Post »

Good riddance to the A/C chemo cocktail!

Posted in Boston, Cancer, chemotherapy, Discovery, hair, Planning, prayer, recovery, work, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on August 16, 2012| Leave a Comment »

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Phil was right – you can do anything once. So I did get through the last round, at least so far. I am not feeling great, but not horrid either, and for that I am very thankful! After feeling similar last time and then crashing later, I am taking it easy and being cautious.

I did smile for real once the chemo party got started, as you can see in the pics. Not only did we celebrate the last of the worst chemo cocktail, we celebrated Vanessa’s birthday with a yummy cake made by Tara. And while he’s not in the pictures because he had to leave a bit early, Nick was with us for the first part of our celebration, too – I couldn’t ask for a more loving, supportive son. I am very lucky.

And yes, also as you can see from the pictures, I tried embracing the blonde a bit to see if I could get used to it. Not exactly my favorite, but I will be happy with my real hair no matter how it grows in! Just to have my own again will be so nice! I got encouraging news, both from my oncologist, who said hair grows in rounds, so some parts will grow at certain times, and then other parts at other times, and then from a fellow cancer survivor who said that her hair began growing in between rounds 3 and 4 of A/C and through Taxol, and is now up to 2″ – so maybe I will stop having Nick shave my head and see what happens… maybe I will have some hair before the end of the year!

I also got my new schedule: I have three weeks off and will start Taxol once a week for 12 weeks on Tuesday, September 4. Then I will be able to work every Monday, have treatment Tuesday, and hopefully be able to work Wed – Fri each week – at least Thurs and Fri – but we’ll see how it goes… Then I should have my last one Nov. 20 and will truly have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!!!

Read Full Post »

Blonde

Posted in Cancer, Discovery, tagged , on August 12, 2012| 4 Comments »

I am in shock. Just now, at the Mass Pike rest stop on the way home from Western Mass, I looked in the bathroom mirror and realized the hair growing (in random patches- don’t get too excited for me) on my head is BLONDE. My jaw dropped and Tara, a few sinks away, looked at me inquisitively and said, “You look perplexed – what’s up?”

“Is it me or the light in here or is my hair really growing in blonde?” I asked.

“I noticed that yesterday,” she confirmed, “You do have the genes for it.”

“But I don’t think I want to be blonde!” I whined (even though I can’t stand whining.)

“That, my dear, is the beauty of being a woman,” Tara declared. “You can dye it any color you want! Besides, maybe it’s the peach fuzz like when babies are born, and it will change …”

I was born with a full head of dark brown hair. And I love(d) being a brunette. I am hoping I will be again, but if I am not, I will not dye it. Just like when my hair was starting to go grey, I was letting it. So if I end up blonde, I guess I will just channel my inner Marilyn … maybe not all the time, but certainly when I want to have fun! 🙂

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »