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It’s Not Fair

Posted in Cancer, chemotherapy, connections, family, hair, prayer, radiation, recovery, Road trip, tagged , , , , , , , on November 18, 2013| 4 Comments »

With Joncille and Aunt Patsy, October 2011

With Joncille and Aunt Patsy, October 2011

I. Hate. Cancer. I want to scream and cry and hit things. But none of it will bring my cousin back.

I found out this morning that my cousin Joncille – my dad’s cousin, so my second cousin if you want to get technical – passed away. She gave in to stupid cancer. She has been suffering off and on for years, and, according to my uncle, didn’t want to fight any more. I was shocked.

I got to know Joncille when I visited her and her husband in Sugar Land, Texas, on my road trip. (You can read about it here: https://amysamerica.com/2010/11/09/finding-my-roots-on-day-61/) They welcomed me into their home with open arms and I couldn’t have felt more at home. It was like we were long lost friends. It was actually the beginning of a great friendship. Joncille was a wonderful support through my treatment. A constant cheerleader, encouraging me to remain positive, to trust in God and to know that I really would get past it all.

“I would like you to know, though, that this too will pass, and you will move  through this hardship one day at a time and in the bright future it will seem  like a bad dream,” Joncille wrote to me – and she was right. She sent me love, thoughts and prayers for strength, courage and healing. And they gave me strength and will to continue to plow through treatment.

“…grab hold of the positive things. Doing that will absolutely save your life and your sanity,” she wrote to me.

“From one who knows, bald ain’t too bad. One swish with a wet wash cloth and you have washed, dried and styled your hair and are ready for the day. And again,  from one who knows, it grows back.” Yup, right again.

And when I found out I did, in fact, need radiation, Joncille gave me a new way to look at it: “I do want to warn you that when you first see the tattoo that  marks the spot to radiate, you will feel that you have been marked as a CANCER  VICTIM, but YOU ARE NOT!!!! They are marking a survivor. I knew a radiologist many years ago that envisioned the power of the Holy Spirit entering  her patients as she applied the radiation. I held that vision in my mind  when receiving mine. I promise that there is a life after cancer.  It  just seems like a never ending saga right now. Hang in one treatment at a  time and before you know it they will all be over.” I adopted that vision from Joncille, and it was such a comfort…

I feel robbed. It’s not fair. We didn’t get enough time together. I want to hear more of her stories. I want to take her up on her offer to return to Sugar Land with my Aunt Patsy, who was one of her best friends. Joncille and Aunt Patsy remind me of Tara and me, cousins, confidantes, travel buddies and dear friends… and that just makes it all hit home even more.

No, life is not fair. I guess we all know that by now. And life is short. So don’t waste it. Spend time with the people you care about. Tell them that you love them. Be a real friend. Cherish the time you have. You don’t know when it will end.

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Emotional Roller Coaster Race

Posted in Alone, Boston, Cancer, Fundraising, hair, lymphedema, recovery, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 29, 2013| 4 Comments »

20130929-152648.jpg This morning I ran the Susan G. Komen MA Race for the Cure along the very foggy South Boston waterfront, at much too early in the morning for a Sunday. Maybe it was the overcast weather, maybe it was the early morning (you know I’m not a morning person), maybe it was the fact that I was there alone, but the day definitely got to me.

I love the breast cancer events – there are always interesting, strong, inspiring women, a shared mission, electric energy, and a lot of pink. So I thought I’d be ok, going alone. I just figured I’d run instead of walk, since I always prefer to run alone, at my own pace. But there was all the build up before: the survivor parade, pictures and dancing warm up. And it seemed everyone had someone there – family member, friend, significant other. I seemed to be the lone loner – although that’s probably not true. Survivor sisters that we are, women around me soon adopted me. “How many years,” one woman asked. “Oh she’s a newbie,” chimed in another, “just look at her new hair! Love the curls!”

Soon I was on my own again as all went back to their loved ones. The bell went off, I put my standard starting song (Fastest Girl in Town by Miranda Lambert, of course) on my iPod and off I went. I tried to focus on the music, but more watched the interesting mixture of survivors and supporters. The little boy with pink knee socks running with his mom, the big teams in their matching uniforms, the moms running while pushing strollers. And then I heard my name and a friendly face! Pat, one of the first people to share his cancer experience with me and to help me see that a positive attitude can beat cancer any day, was walking on the other side of the road. We exchanged waves and big smiles in the seconds that our path’s crossed, and then he was gone. And all of the sudden the tears started flowing and I couldn’t catch my breath. Breathing while running is actually my biggest challenge, so the crying definitely didn’t help. Seeing Pat was such a high point – but then the reality set in. Yes, you can be completely alone in a sea of people. Even friendly, happy, supportive people.

So I guess the lesson I learned is that I just shouldn’t go to these things alone. I go to breakfast alone, the movies alone, shopping alone, but not this. Some things you just need your own team for – even if it’s a team of one friend! Luckily, there are others joining me for all the rest of the Breast Cancer Awareness Month events – and hopefully even more of you will join in. You know my motto: the more the merrier! So check out the dates and events on the right and let me know if you can join us for any – the Nashua Harley benefit is a great night out, and so worth the drive!

Oh – and I should mention that even with the crying bout, I ran my new personal 5k record: 37:10, 11:58 pace. Slow, I know, but fast for me, as I’m typically a 13 minute mile. I think it was all the positive energy surrounding me, and wanting to finish strong, since the bright pink shirt I was wearing said “survivor.”

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(Reluctantly) Reentering the Cancer World

Posted in Boston, Cancer, connections, family, Fundraising, hair, recovery, work, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 17, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Sometimes I forget. It’s actually getting so that I think about cancer less and less. By this I mean it only pops in my mind a few times a day rather than every few minutes, but still. It’s progress. But in the last week or so there have been more and more reminders:

  • Before the walk and trip, I had an appointment with Dr. H. Luckily, my tissues have relaxed and we are finally able to schedule the implant surgery! It’s looking like December. I am so looking forward to not being rock hard and feeling like a freak any more…
  • A dear friend of mine, who has been so supportive and encouraging through my journey, had a double mastectomy. Rest up and feel better, Jillian!
  • And multiple friends had family members or friends die of cancer. Every day I am so thankful mine was caught so early, and that there are treatments for my type. I know I am so blessed…

And it’s because I am so thankful that I want to do all I can to support others in their cancer journey. While most of the time I’d like to erase it from my mind and pretend it never happened, any time retelling my experience or even just supporting things like walks, can help someone else, count me in! And the month of pink is quickly approaching – in fact, events are starting this month:

  • This Thursday, Sept. 19, 7 p.m. is the Bright Pink Experiential Outreach – Enjoy light bites at  Joe’s American Bar and Grill, Newbury St., Boston, while connecting with other Bright Pink women in your community to discuss mutual experiences. This event is open specifically to high-risk individuals. If you have any questions or to RSVP contact Community@BeBrightPink.org.
  • Sunday, Sept. 29, 9 a.m. is Komen Race for the Cure 5k Walk/Run  in South Boston. It is so much fun – so much pink! 🙂 I’m excited not to be bald for the walk this year! 🙂 Oh – and for a couple more days there is a half off deal for registration on Living Social.
  • Sunday Sept. 29, Nashua, NH, Harley-Davidson Second Annual Save Second Base Ride for Breast Cancer. No, I’m not riding in this but encourage anyone with a bike to do it! Info: http://www.nashuahd.com
  • Thursday, Oct. 3, 7 p.m., Revere Hotel, Boston: Runway for Recovery, a fashion show, silent auction and raffle to benefit families who have lost mothers to breast cancer. I’ll be volunteering with some friends from Genzyme, but you should attend and enjoy the evening!
  • Sunday, Oct. 6, 8 a.m., Hatch Shell, Boston: Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk I’m really looking forward to doing this walk for the first time – the American Cancer Society helps so many people every day, and certainly helped make my experience better…
  • Sunday, Oct. 6, 11 a.m., Worcester Run Like an Antelope: The 2nd Annual Memorial 5K and 1-Mile Fun Walk in Memory of Megan Proceeds go to Metastatic Breast Cancer Research conducted at UMASS Medical School. I am hoping to make it over to this after the walk, if at all possible!
  • Sunday, October 13, 10:15 a.m., Providence, RI – Gloria Gemma Foundation Pink Pump Palooza, 5K Run/Walk and 10K Run – join Alicia and me on the Pink Pumps for a Cure Team or sponsor us! And hey, it starts and ends at Providence Place, so you can get some good shopping in after…
  • Friday, Oct. 18, 8 a.m., Lucca Boston: Breast Cancer in Young Women Forum for Patients and Survivors (A great day, no matter where you are in your cancer journey – and I will be speaking on the patient panel! And Dr. H will be talking at this event, too, so if you need a fabulous reconstruction surgeon…)
  • Saturday, Oct. 19, 4 p.m. Nashua Harley-Davidson Fashion Show and Live Auction – this is organized and run by my friend Robin and it’s one of my FAVORITE events of the year – so much fun! Fun Harley-Davidson Pink Fashion Show, live auction, huge raffle, great BBQ – and I think I’ll even be getting my first tattoo (a survivors ribbon) at the event. Who wouldn’t want to go witness that? LOL!

I’ll try to keep the event list on the right as up-to-date as possible, but never hesitate to e-mail me if you have any questions. Hope you can join us for some (or all) of these great events. Hey, if we have to be in the world of cancer, at least we can be there together, support each other, learn from each other, make each other laugh and smile – and wear pink! 😉

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