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Archive for the ‘chemotherapy’ Category

Blind Spots

Posted in Cancer, chemotherapy, Denial, family, hair, tagged , , , , , , , on August 25, 2012| 10 Comments »

The other night my friend Herb told me about his recent trip to Florida and how surprised he was at how much his ailing father had changed. His mother hasn’t been straight with him on the phone and has been continuing to basically live their lives the same without accommodating for the changes in her husband. As I listened, it occurred to me that it has nothing to do with his mother being mean, neglectful or not loving his father. It’s BECAUSE she loves him so much that she just doesn’t want to face it. She doesn’t want to see how he’s changing and how frail he is, how much help he needs. She wants him to be the same man she fell in love with, the same man she married. Maybe she really can’t see the changes. It is her blind spot  – don’t they say love is blind?

Then I realized: that’s how a few people are with me. It’s not that they don’t love or care about me that they completely ignore the fact that anything is different about me, maybe it’s that they do love me that it hurts them to see me this way and just refuse to face and deal with it. I am still hurt by how they now treat me, but this new perspective helps me understand them a little bit more, and at least makes me feel like maybe I do matter to them.

And then I had another revelation: that’s actually what I am doing to myself. I still get shocked when I look in the mirror. I still cringe when I see pictures of myself bald. I just went for a run (if you can even call what I’m doing running) and got frustrated with myself that I couldn’t even do the whole 3 miles of one minute run and one minute walk – sometimes I had to walk for two or three minutes before doing another minute of running. I don’t want to face that I don’t have hair any more. I don’t want to see that the steroids and eating to ease the nausea are making me pack back on the pounds. I don’t want to be tired after a few minutes running. I want to be the me I was in February…

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OUR story

Posted in Boston, Cancer, chemotherapy, family, Fundraising, tagged , , , , , , on August 21, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Nick and I had our five minutes of fame today on the 11thAnnual WEEI / NESN Jimmy Fund Radio-Telethon. I have to admit, listening to the telethon while driving to work, I was really second guessing why in the world they would want ME on their show – every patient’s story that I heard was so much more tragic, inspiring, complicated, heart-tugging – just so much more compelling than mine! But I’d already committed, and who was I to judge?

I was glad Nick came with me, especially when they asked if he wanted to join us in the studio. We got the usual “he’s too old to be your son!” comments, and then launched right in. It occurred to me as we spoke that my story is not MY story. It is so many stories intertwined. It’s Kristen, and Greg and the whole Montalbano family’s story. It’s Mirany, Sarah and Scott’s story. It’s my family and friends’ story. It’s Nick’s story. Cancer does not happen to one person. It happens to everyone whose lives they touch. And I am so blessed to have an incredible circle to share with – both the good and the bad. And I’ve been fortunate to have people like Kristen and Sarah share their cancer experiences with me to help make mine a little easier. And that’s what I hope to continue to do for others…

If you didn’t get a chance to tune in today, here’s the link – the Nick parts are, of course, my favorite! http://audio.weei.com/a/61626264/m-m-amy-atwood-and-son-nick.htm I was truly relieved to learn money WAS raised while we were on air (my real nightmare was that the phones would stop ringing during our segment…). And it’s not too late – the telethon continues through tomorrow, simply text KCANCER to 20222 to make a $10 donation or call 1-877-738-1234 or click here to donate the amount of your choice!

As a thank you, we were given two tickets to tonight’s Red Sox game. Since Nick had his first night at his new job, Kristen joined me.  It was a beautiful night to be at Fenway, although not the best night for the Sox…

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Five months?!?!

Posted in Boston, Cancer, chemotherapy, connections, Discovery, Fundraising, prayer, recovery, work, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 20, 2012| 2 Comments »

I honestly cannot believe it: today is five months since I was sitting in my office and got the call from my doctor saying “you have breast cancer.” In some ways, it feels like a lifetime – I hardly remember a time when cancer wasn’t consuming my life. In other ways, I don’t know where these last five months have gone – I feel like it was just February, we were finishing the shutdown and celebrating my 38th birthday. (What a dud 38 has turned out to be – bring on 39!!!!)

But as much of a nightmare as this has all been, anyone who knows me knows that I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I refuse to curl up in a ball and cry endlessly (although I let myself for a few minutes every now and then…), become useless or a burden and just accept my fate. I am not going to over-analyze this and whine ‘why me’ over and over, either. In fact, I don’t think I have to – I think now maybe I know why me…

Just as I sat down to write this, my phone rang. I was so relieved to see my friend’s name. It was only a month ago that she told me the horrific news that she’d found a lump. I refered her to my fabulous dream team at Dana-Farber and it was confirmed as breast cancer. And today she was having a lumpectomy. While I’d heard she made it through fine, I was excited to hear her voice and know it for sure. I exclaimed my relief over the news that the doctors said all went well and they believe they caught it early and it’s all gone. And she said, “It’s thanks to you. You reminding everyone to check.” And that’s it. Maybe that is why. Maybe I needed to go through this so others can catch it early enough and stop it. Words can’t express how thankful I am that she found that lump and stopped it. That makes every second of this journey worth it.

So please – do your self-checks. And tell your sisters, mothers, wives, lovers, friends, daughters, everyone, to do their checks, too. But it’s not enough. We have to stop the damn c-word completely! As some of you know, I am excited to have two opportunities to help in the collective fight against cancer:

  • Tomorrow (Tuesday, August 21) at 1:15 p.m. I will be interviewed live on the 11thAnnual WEEI / NESN Jimmy Fund Radio-Telethon – Events – The Jimmy Fund. (WEEI is Boston’s sports radio station – 93.7 FM and 850 AM and you can listen live online at www.weei.com; It may also be simulcast on TV (NESN), but that’s TBD.) They are going to interview me about my personal cancer experience, my interactions at Dana-Farber, etc. Hopefully I’ll be able to help some cancer survivors know they are not alone in their experiences and inspire some people to donate and help conquer cancer. (And hopefully I won’t embarrass myself on live radio/TV…)
  • I’m also honored that my childhood friend Heather Forbes started a team for me in the Jimmy Fund Boston Marathon Walk on September 9. I am thrilled to be feeling healthy enough to walk the last three miles with the team, so have registered. Our team is still looking for walkers (and supporters), so if you are able, please join us – there are multiple legs, you don’t have to do the whole 26.2 miles! For more information on walking or donating: Amy’s Jimmy Fund Walk Page.

Thank you: every prayer, every self-check, every step walked, every penny donated: together we really can make a difference in this fight!

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