For more reasons than I can list – or even understand myself – I haven’t been able to really write much for the last week, other than the couple of times I absolutely forced myself and had something concrete to say. That hasn’t been enough for some of my faithful readers, and I apologize. Several of you have written or called to ask what’s going on and one of those readers – my dad – told me straight out last night that it wasn’t fair to those who check in on my blog daily. He reminded me that everything (everyone) has ups and downs and if this is going to be authentic, I should include it all. Well, I think ALL might be going a bit far (maybe in the book – we’ll see…) but I did scribble some things in my notebook this week (as did Lilly, Jason’s youngest daughter, but I can still read my words through the crayon), especially yesterday, so the following is some of that to fill you in. And for those who really just want the travel stuff, skip to the Arcadia, Day 32 section, and check out the Oklahoma Route 66 pics above. And thanks, Dad…
(Day 30, on way back to Holdenville from Oklahoma City and Choctaw) Live, Laugh, Love. Sitting at a stoplight in the middle of Oklahoma, feeling a little bit sorry for myself, I glanced to my left. There it was. ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ – the name of the store next to me. It happened to be the last thing I saw in my aunt and uncle’s house as I left tonight, too. It was on a small plaque hanging over their dining room table: ‘Live, Laugh, Love.’ Those also were the words I wrote in my high school yearbook nearly 20 years ago. I’ve always tried to live by that saying. Why am I having such a hard time doing it now? Part of me came to Oklahoma to do more than just catch up with friends and family. I think deep down I was looking and hoping for more, only for so very many reasons it didn’t turn out that way and now I’m feeling a little lost about what to do and where to go next. What I did do in Oklahoma was renew a couple of old friendships and made some new ones – including the four most wonderful new little friends a girl could ask for! Now I need to find a way to be a good example for them and demonstrate that favorite saying of mine: Live, Laugh, Love…
(At the football field, Day 31) Life in a small town. Everybody knows everybody. Everybody knows everybody’s business. Everybody knows everybody’s family – or is part of their family, in one way or another. There’s history and rivalry, love and feuds. The boy plays football on the same field as his dad played, and his father before him. There’s something special about walking the same streets as your ancestors – it’s like they’re always with you. I have moved more times than I can count. When I was young we lived at the family farm with my grandparents. I loved it so much. Years after it was sold, I did exactly as Miranda Lambert does in her song ‘The House that Built Me’ and went and knocked on the door. But the people had changed it so much that the feeling I was looking for just wasn’t there anymore. It led me to the conclusion that it’s not the place, it’s the people. Home is where your family is. If they’ve all stayed in one place for generations, it’s much easier to find and go home again…
(On the road, Day 32) I’m leaving. I won’t stay anywhere this long again. You get too into the family and daily life and it’s too hard to leave. You also worry that you’re messing up their normal routine and feel like you’re in the way. A few days anywhere is more than enough. Honestly, I feel more lost than ever. And a bit jealous of the family life and stability – and the hugs from little ones, especially now that mine is grown and away at school. (Need to get back to my goddaughters – Tina, thank you again for sharing!!!) I just don’t know where I belong, and hate the feeling of not being needed somewhere – I’ve just never not had somewhere to be or someone to help…
I guess I’m getting more than I bargained for on this road trip. I’m learning a lot about myself, more than I am about geography (since I leave most of that to Aidan). Or is this really what I set out to do? If it is, I’m crazy – think I might be happier going back to my mile-a-minute, always busy, chaotic life. Sometimes it’s better not to have so much thinking time. There’s too much of that alone on the road! So what is my latest lesson? Well, I’ve always prided myself on being this strong, independent woman, who doesn’t need a man, never wants to marry again, hates depending on anyone, blah, blah, blah. I think having Nick has been a shield, in a way. As long as I had him at home, needing me, I really didn’t need anything (or anyone) else. I won’t go as far to say I actually need someone, but I will say it would be nice to have a partner in crime. But not just anyone…
(Arcadia, OK, Route 66, Day 32) Okay, I feel a bit better. It’s amazing what a dose of family and laughter can do! I just met my aunt and uncle at Pops, a great (fairly new) gas station/hamburger joint/gift shop, right on Route 66 by the Old Round Barn and the Biker’s Shak in Arcadia. They have a zillion (well, more than 400) different types of soda pop, and the thickest shakes I’ve ever had – it’s basically like trying to drink ice cream. Lunch with them at such a fun venue was just what I needed to kick off the next leg of my road trip.
A bit about Oklahoma as I make my way out of the state:
- It is the home of several country music stars including Toby Keith, Garth Brooks, Blake Shelton and Carrie Underwood.
- While Oklahoma has the longest drivable stretch of the original Route 66 of any state, it is not at all easy to follow. You’ll be driving and it will just disappear – a few times I hopped on the highway and caught back up with it further west. If you’re ever going to really try to stick solely with Route 66, make sure you map out your journey ahead of time on the computer because most maps and GPS’s aren’t very helpful…
- The shopping cart was invented in Oklahoma. (Didn’t know that, did you? Ah, the things you learn by reading billboards.)
The sky suddenly got very dark and there’s major lightning in the distance. Which leads me to think that it’s not always good to listen to satellite radio – you don’t get the local weather and warnings. I’m wondering exactly what you’re supposed to do if you’re driving and you just see a tornado coming at you? Maybe I should find out, and maybe I should start listening to local radio stations…
Amy's America 